AI Season 10, 02-09-11, San Francisco Auditions

Yes, Honey, if you fart during your audition, you will be summarily dismissed.

We're in San Francisco, and they're promising some amazing singers. We'll see. They're also promising lots of sob stories, backed up by shots of someone's heavily scarred arms.

#1. Confession time: I didn't catch #1's name because I was playing a game of Pyramid Solitaire on Facebook. I started the game with plenty of time to lose, and still be ready for the beginning of the show, but for some reason, I kept clearing round after round after round (to the tune of a score over 700k- nearly double my previous highest score). I finally lost, just in time to see that she's a married Pole/Belly/Ballet Dancer in a very tight pink jogging suit. She may be a good dancer, but shoe's not so great with the whole staying on tune thing.

Now that I'm settled with my notebook, I see that JLo is dressed like the world's sexiest office worker from the 80's, in a white sweater with beaded shoulder pads. Randy's in a purple and gray cardigan. Steven Tyler is wearing an embroidered black shirt.

Evidently, the birds poop a lot in San Francisco. Thanks Show- duly noted.

In quick succession, Brittany Mazur, Lara Johnston, and Matthew Nuss are sent through. I wasn't so impressed with Matthew's voice, but I also didn't get to hear enough to know for sure whether he can sing or not.

#2, is the owner of the aforementioned scarred arms. Stefano Langoe was in a terrible accident, which is a relief because I thought those scars looked like a suicide attempt. Stefano had to learn to walk all over again, and he had a very long recovery. He sings Grapevine, and I am not impressed (there were a lot of missed notes), but the Judges like him a lot.

So, has Justin Beiber's voice changed yet?

It's Day 2 already. JLo is wearing a green sparkly jacket and a ponytail. Randy's in a black cardigan over a white tee. Steven Tyler is wearing a gray leather jacket over a Beatles tee.

#1 is Clint Jun Gamboa. He's a karaoke host, and I believe his stage name is Junebug. He's wearing very round glasses. He's fairly annoying, but he has a nice voice. Too much embroidery for me, but any embroidery is too much for me.

#2/3 are introduced and rejected in very short order. Kenneth Berba pretty much attacked the room, and I can't tell if he has very odd headphones on, or even odder false ears. In either case, he's so obviously a joke audition that the judges send him packing before he gets all the way into the room. Weston Lee Smith didn't need to be told to leave, he slunk out on his own.

#4. Drew Baumaier is wearing the Transformer costume that was seen in a brief clip weeks ago. It's an incredibly complex and creative costume, which may actually have a motor in it when he crouches down and becomes a car. But it's a costume, and nothing about Drew's voice makes up for the fact that he auditioned for American Idol, dressed as a car.

Will someone please stop Jane Seymour before she designs more ugly ass jewelry?

Next up is a string of pretty girls with pretty voices, all of whom go to Hollywood, I guess.

#5 is Julie Zorrilla, wearing a full flowered skirt with lots of petticoats, a black strapless top, and very high heeled shoes. Her family is from war-torn Colombia, and she's celebrating her 20th birthday by auditioning. She sings Summertime, and I don't  like it. Her voice is too breathy, she's too mannered, and she's acting out the lyrics. But most of all, she's messing up a song that Fantasia put to bed in Season 3 (and I'm not, and never was, a big Fantasia fan, but she nailed that song in a way that should make every other auditioner leery of tackling it. Forever). I don't think she's anywhere good enough, but the judges all love her. Go figure.

#6. Dave Combs has long stringy-hair and looks something like a Viking. He might be okay as a front man in a band in a very loud bar, but he's not going to make it as a soloist. The judges agree with me.

Steven Tyler loses patience with the terrible and delusional to the extent that he doesn't even leer at Sabrina Corbett in her teeny little Police Woman jumper shorts.

#7. Emily Anne Reed, had a bad week: her house burned down, and she's pretty much heartbroken (as one is when one loses everything. I'm not being snarky- I've had a house burn down. It was horrible, and we didn't lose much). Emily Anne has a little girl speaking voice, so I wait for her singing voice, because often those teeny little speaking voices morph into great big singing voices. But, no, her singing voice is just as Betty Boop as her speaking voice. But I don't find it unpleasant. In fact, I'm enjoying her singing. Steven Tyler is unconvinced, but Randy likes how unusual she is. JLo sort of reluctantly puts her through. Emily joyfully picks up the guitar that she brought in with her, and Tyler asks her to play something, anything. Emily begins to play, and my Lordy... oh my oh my oh my... I have actual goosebumps. The combo of her amazing guitar and that little voice is amazing. I have fallen in love.

#8 is our last auditioner, and there are over 10 minutes left, so that means we're going to get tons of back story. On top of that, they've been hinting all through the show, how amazing this guy is going to be. I'm skeptical, but I'm skeptical of anyone with a fauxhawke, a black studded vest, lime green t-shirt, and a long scarf tucked into a waistband. James Durbin is weepy, he also has Tourette's and Asberger's Syndromes, and a wife (or a girlfriend- either way, she's very supportive) and a small child. They're also very poor. So anyway, James sings, and he has a pure, bluesy voice. He ends his song with an Adam Lambert shriek. The judges are stunned by his range and power. Weepy Jame asks if he can sing some Aerosmith, and once again, the judges are mightily impressed. We're told that we will love James, and I have a feeling that he'll be in the Top 10.

So that's it for the Season 10 Auditions. Tomorrow night starts the Hollywood rounds, and unfortunately, I am going to be nowhere near a TV. Nor will I be near a TV for next Wednesday or Thursday's episodes. I've programmed them into my DVR, but I can't promise to watch or recap when we get home from California. So you all are going to have to watch for me. Let me know if I miss anything good, you hear?