I had absolutely no intention of staying up late to take American Idol notes (what doofus decided to air an episode on Sunday in the first place, and then not until AFTER a big football game??? sheesh), so I set the DVR. Unfortunately, our DVR records what the schedule says, so I got an hour of football, and then I tried to manually set it later, and got pretty much nothing. Luckily, AI posts the important stuff online, so I watched the auditions that they considered worthy this morning (a procedure I'll have to follow while I'm in SoCal, since a certain older son does not have network TV at his house). So this won't be my usual recap- it'll be shorter, without any of the show filler. Or without much of it anyway.
The first video I clicked on turned out to be the intro, where Ryan mentions breathlessly that they're on the aircraft carrier, the USS Midway, which may not be the best venue for listening to a capella singers, what with all the airplanes, and wind, and sailors, and sirens in the background. It also has low ceilings, which may not be the best venue for tall jumpers. Steven is in a white jacket with an open shirt, JLo is in a flowered something (I only saw the top) with long, slit sleeves, and a side pony tail, and Randy is in plaid (which is his new black). I quickly stopped this video and went directly to the individual singer clips.
Ali Shields is 19 and from Lodi. She's relentlessly perky, and was once on the Ellen show, which was the highlight of her life. From that experience, she figured she might as well try out for American Idol, as we all do. She's evidently never been kissed, or at least not until Mike Posner and Usher did the honors for her on some red carpet (where she was, courtesy of Ellen). Anyway, she's wearing a pink shrug and a white floofy skirt. Oh lordy, she's rapping... or she thinks she's rapping... now she's singing, and that isn't great either. Her voice is thin and reedy. JLo damns her with faint praise (You CAN sing a little)(exact quote). For some reason, all three judges put Ali through.
Ashley Robles is a single mom with an adorable kid, who blows bubbles in the car. Said daughter expresses the desire to be her mom's backup dancer. Ashley is highly rouged, and is wearing very tight jeans and a white tank. She sings Whitney. Sigh. But the judges like her.
Aubree Dieckmeyer is 20. She's wearing a tight, white crop top and either a long flowing skirt, or harem pants (I couldn't tell). In her pre-interview, she says that she's ready to be America's Next Top Model. They give her another chance to remember which show this is. She blows it. She blows it about 10 times in a row. In front of the judges, she begins an icky flirtation (all simpering and giggles and and fluttering eyelashes- I'm not kidding). GAH, I dislike this girl (I'm currently watching the final season of The Tudors, and she reminds me exactly of Katherine Howard...). But her voice is fine, and she goes through.
Jayrah Gibson is 26 and he has no Plan B, which means Plan A damn well better work for him. At least he knows which show he's auditioning for. He sings an original song for JLo, and then sings another. He has a pleasant voice, remarkable mostly for the lack of embroidery (which I applaud).
Jane Carrey is a mom and a waitress, and she has a rather famous father with the same last name. She looks like an ordinary, nice person. She sings Bonnie Raitt, and does her justice. I'm glad that she has actual talent because this show would never be able to resist the lure of having Ace Ventura in the audience.
Jennifer Diley has wrapped her pneumatic breasts in a red striped tube top, and is wearing teeny tiny little itty bitty Daisy Dukes (which may be a swimsuit bottom), from which her butt tries valiantly to escape. Jennifer looks into the camera and says flatly that she wants to impress the male judges, that JLo is fine, but the men are the ones who count. Good to know where you stand, Jennifer. In the judging arena, Steven and Randy react predictably. Also JLo (also me). Honest to God, Jennifer sings a Jessica Simpson song, and amazing of all amazings, the guys see beyond the boobs, saying that if she's going to wear an outfit like that, she needs to really bring it, and it was most assuredly not brung. The say no! Hallelujah!
Kyle Crews is 19, and a frat boy at USC Berkley. They tell us that he's a ladies' man, but I rather doubt it. He has very pink cheeks and is wearing a blue plaid shirt. He doesn't have the kind of voice that interests me, but the judges are blown away. And then they're astonished that a less than gorgeous guy can sing. They've never watched that American Idol show, I guess.
The last audition of the night is Wolf Harmin. He's a 24 year old mechanic who looks forty, but I don't care. I love me some burly, bearded, mechanics. He carries a Git-Fiddle (translation: guitar) that his recently deceased father built for him. Wolf sings Midnight Special, and... yep... I like this guy (do I have a type, or what?). He segues into Folsom Prison Blues with his G-Fiddle, and the judges are all delighted.
So, that's it... it took me 25 minutes to watch the important videos from an hour long show... I may do this more often.
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