We open in a sound studio. Jimmy Iovine, a grown-ass man wearing a backwards hat, is at the sound board (I have no idea if that's the right name for the big panel with all the switches and dials) and Janelle is in the soundproof recording area. It's so soundproof that Jimmy can't hear Janelle sing or speak, so he gets all huffy with some AI sound staffer, threatening said staffer's job. Shut up Jimmy Iovine, and shut up even more, Jimmy Iovine's stupid backwards hat.
Keith is the Space Cowboy tonight, wearing a white tee with "some people call me Maurice" printed on it. Nicki totters in on very tall shoes, wearing a pink knit dress with a mesh yoke. Randy is in a gray jacket and red-framed glasses. Mariah is working the double sided tape in a low-cut black, strapless dress. Ryan is in a nice black suit with matching vest, a black tie with white polka dots, and a white pocket square.
JI recaps last night's show, taking some time to knock the judges for knocking him. He assesses the Top 9 thusly:
Kree is great, though she still oversings sometimes, but she deserves applause.
Burnell has a great tone, but it's the kids' job to know The Beatles (and music, in general).
Lazaro was the worst of the night and he had six full days to learn his song, just like everyone else.
Amber chose her own song, and belongs in the Top 3.
Candice is a natural and gave the best performance of the night.
Paul has a good voice but he's not ready for Prime Time.
Angie has talent but is too dramatic and needs to dial it back.
Devin has a great ear, and potential, but was in the middle of the pack last night.
Janelle made a great song choice and her restraint is explosive. She's JI's dark horse.
The kids come out and head to the benches. Ryan has Amber stand up (ratty, tattered, denim cut-offs which are so short that the front pockets hang below the ragged edges, a tee shirt, and a long loose shirt with a sparkly blue and gold plaid pattern.She also has curly hair and pink lipstick. Sartorially very busy is Amber tonight). Ryan shows assorted clips of Amber's disastrous dress rehearsal, where she sits on the steps and is nearly asphyxiated by the smoke machine. Ryan toys with her for a bit and then tells us that we're not getting any results yet.
The guys do a group sing of Got To Get You Into my Life, the Chicago cover version with lots of brass. I can't tell if the line of trumpet/trombone/sax players are actual band members, or dancers. The guys sound good together, though there isn't a lot of harmonizing. Ryan sends them all to sit down except Paul Jolley (black shirt and red jeans), who is informed that his hometown has declared a Paul Jolley day. Ryan gives him a big framed poster, and then tells Paul Jolley that he's in the Bottom 3. Cold, Seacrest. Cold.
SQUEEE! It's Casey Abrams sporting a Belushi Samauri ponytail, Modern Major General muttonchops, and hipster sweater. He and his band (well, I think they're his band) are singing a jazzed up version of I Saw Her Standing There. Casey plays his bass, and is every bit as entertaining as he was in his season. This is fun and light, and thoroughly musically competent. Randy and Keith give him a Standing O.
The girls Group Sing now, sitting on stools for a lovely version of Here, There and Everywhere. Each girl gets a nice solo (for the very first time, I hear what everyone else hears in Angie's voice), and the harmonies are lovely.
Ryan has Devin (black jacket over a royal blue tee) stand to hear that he's in the Bottom 3. Next Ryan calls Lazaro (red shirt, black vest, tight pants, worried expression) down, but the show is not about to name all 3 bottom dwellers this early in the episode. Lazaro deserves to go home after last night, but he was #4 in the ranking last week, and his voters stayed true. Lazaro is the first one named Safe.
We see last year's runner up, Jessica Sanchez's original audition, and frankly, it's not that good- she oversang terribly. Luckily for Jessica, she improved greatly over her season. Now she's modeling, and touring, and appearing on Glee, and doing concerts in Manila, and she's still gorgeous, with an infectious smile. She's going to perform her new single with NeYo. Jessica is wearing a silver crop top, low-slung white silk sweats, sparkly hi-top tennies, and very very long hair. Jessica is one teeny, tiny little person- if she weighs 90lbs, I will be very surprised. NeYo is in black and white. Their song is a generic dance tune, with nary a hint of the powerhouse voice that carried Jessica to second place last year. However, she has a newly-relaxed stage presence, and I've certainly heard far worse on this show. Keith, Nicki, and Randy give her a Standing O. Maybe Mariah's skirt is too tight for standing again.
So with eight minutes left, Ryan finally gets down to business. In no particular order, he names the following kids Safe:
Kree (black shirt and red jeans... just like Paul Jolley)
Candice (curly hair with raspberry streaks, black leather pants, a white jacket and very high heels)
Angie (oddly pieced denim mini-skirt and black top)
Janelle (black fringe vest over a loose white shirt and black skinny jeans)
and Burnelle (collarless denim jacket and glasses).
Which leaves Paul, Devin, and Amber for the Bottom 3. The judges (except for Mariah, who doesn't speak tonight) all say that Amber should not be in that position. Ryan quickly sends Devin and Amber over to the others, which leaves Paul Jolley at the bottom.
Paul Jolley sings Alone in his usual Paul Jolley manner, but there's no chance in hell that the judges will use their Save on him.
And, nope, they don't. So it's good-bye to wide-eyed, oversinging, not-in-the-least-country-no-matter-what-he-thinks Paul Jolley. I will miss your melodious syllables.
Next week: Motor City Music. How much you wanna bet that none of these kids even know what that is?
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