We open with the Hipstamatic version of last week's drama- all of the colors bled down a bit, and fuzzy around the edges. Somewhere in there, a screen pops up that says "SHOCKER" in big letters. There's only one elimination that that would truly shock me, and that would be Phil's. And I seriously doubt that's what's going to happen tonight.
JLo's wearing apple green, high-waisted flare pants, a drapey white halter top, and a deeply messy ponytail. How messy? She looks like she just rolled out of bed. Randy is in gray jacket that whiffs of Fab Four. Steven is dressed in someone's red velvet couch. Ryan is in a blue suit with a spiffy red pocket square.
Taylor Hicks is in the House!!!! And Elliott Yamin!!!!
Ryan reminds us that there are no more saves, and that one of the kids will go home tonight. Hey, I have an idea- how about we send all but 2 home tonight, and then finish this sucker off next week? Good idea, right? Oh, and Kris Allen is going to sing.
The group sing is Dancing in the Street, and amazingly enough, they sound fine. Most of the girls are in rompers, and everyone but Elise is is wearing bright and ugly colors. Elise is wearing Bright and Patriotic colors. They sort of dance, but there is no Pointy Pose, though I would have settled for Jazz Hands.
The kids are seated on the bleachers for the Fordmercial, which posits that the constellations were invented in the 80's. Or something like that.
Ryan calls Joshua (charcoal gray vest, white tee shirt, hat) and Hollie (poofy top hair, pink and purple romper shorts, high heels) down. Iovine thinks that Joshua helped himself last night. He thinks that Hollie was not as nervous last night but that she'll still be in the Bottom 3. Jimmy is right- Joshua (whose elimination might have been a minor shocker) is safe and Hollie is not.
It took the show years, but it must finally have decided that Taylor Hicks isn't the worst thing that ever happened to it, because Ryan is not only talking to him, he's allowing Taylor to plug his upcoming Vegas gig (Yay Taylor!), and to introduce Kris Allen.
Kris has a new album coming out called Thank You Camelia, and a new single called Vision of Love. He's playing a very rustic upright piano on a rotating dais. Kris is still nice looking and pleasantly bland (Phil Phillips Lite). The song is okay and forgettable, and not exactly worthy of all of the flashlights waving in the audience.
Next down are Skylar (cowboy boots, a really ugly green print sundress with a ruffle neck in front and a weird string arrangement in back, and a wide white belt. Oh yeah, and an eagle necklace) and Elise (loose asymmetrical deep red blouse over a short, tight royal blue skirt, and a look of utter defeat). Iovine says that Skylar delivered, and she gets better and better every week. He says that Elise is going to be in the Bottom 3 again. Still. Some More. And once again, Jimmy is right. Skylar is safe, and Elise joins Hollie.
Ryan's tribute to Dick Clark is lovely. My mom was very young, and I distinctly remember watching American Bandstand with her after I got home from school in the later 50's.
LMFAO is singing now... or at least they're performing, along with a guy wearing a box on his head, and a couple of people in a zebra suit, and several enthusiastic dancers. Be honest with me- this is actually a joke right? One of these guys is really Weird Al Yankovic. Gotta be, because no one could possibly take this stuff seriously.
Next up is Colton (printed tee shirt and a denim vest, and no red streak in his hair), Phil (do I really need to describe what Phil is wearing? I'm pretty sure you can figure it out on your own), and Jessica (red, black, and white print romper shorts, a braid in her hair, and the highest heels I've ever seen). Jimmy thinks that everything about Colton's performance last night was wrong (Yay Jimmy!), and that Phil chooses great songs for himself, and that Jessica is singing songs that are way too old for her (though what choice does she have most weeks, when the themes were all outdated before she was born?.
Ryan puts Jessica out of her misery first, and sends her to safety. And now with Phil and Colton standing there, I am suddenly very afraid that Phil will actually be the Shocking Elimination tonight. But no, Phil is safe and Colton joins Hollie and Elise.
Ryan pulls Elise aside and walks her to the stools, and Elise knows she's a goner. Except not. Elise is safe. Stunned, but safe.
Colton and Hollie huddle, and Ryan takes a deep breath... and sends Colton home!
While it's not exactly a shocker, or at least only shocking in that Hollie survived yet another trip to the Bottom 3, the people who liked Colton are certainly surprised. Hollie is surprised, and weeping (out of sadness, or perhaps survivor guilt). Colton looks a little stunned, and his family is in shock, so I guess there is some shockiness involved.
He sings that song where he ends up on his knees, except this time he starts out on his knees. Hollie is falling apart, and Phil is looking at his own feet. The others look as though they didn't realize that winning meant that the others would lose.
So, no more Colton next week. Yay!
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