I listened to the episode last night, with a pillow over my head (light sensitivity), so I knew already who was eliminated. But I watched the recording during lunch today, and took my usual notes. We'll just pretend that I wrote it last night, okay?
Last night was That '80's show, in case you forgot. Randy is trying very hard to make *Gotta have it* a thing. It's not gonna happen.
JLo is wearing a slinky gray sheath which has odd bumps at the cap sleeves. They're not shoulder pads, it's more like they're rolled and stuffed. Her hair is pulled up in a very stiff bun. Randy is in a gray jacket that I don't hate (maybe a first for the season). Steven is in purple brocade, with what looks to be a machete handle sticking out of his waistband. I'm not being euphemistic here, it seriously looks like he has a sword stuck in there. Ryan is going wild with a gold silk pocket square.
Ryan points out the kids on their Waiting Couch. I'll touch on this later, but my Lordy Elise... no, no, a thousand times no. Oh, and Joshua feels faint.
Ryan says we'll hear "UK Pop Sensation, The Wanted" (exact quote), and Kellie Pickler. Aaaand, we get to see JLo's new video, in which she evidently dances with her new beau. JLo giggles like a 13 year old when Ryan asks about him. She says that the song is dear to her heart.
Oh, Steven had a fan stuck in his pants, because Ryan is using it to fan himself now. Why did Steven have a fan stuck in his pants? Why does Steven do anything?
So the video has, in no particular order: JLo dressed for Goldfinger, hanging upside down in gym clothes, crawling on her knees, rising from grainy black sand, some bun-grabbing, dancing, that guy who rapped in her last video, polka dots, stripper poles, and 100% autotune. Melody: not so much. I can't tell what it is that is near to JLo's heart, unless it's slinking around and making out.
The Fordmercial has a scavenger hunt to that song from Clueless, and a lot of *crush your head*.
Ryan shows a twit-video of preschool kids supporting Joshua. Evidently, they're encouraging this nonsense.
Ryan calls Jessica (pretty purple floaty dress, high heels) and Joshua (tan cardigan) down.
I: thinks Jessica sang beautifully but needs to choose better songs.
I: is glad Joshua took his advice to control himself a bit more.
Ryan asks Jessica a question, and she babbles.
Joshua is safe, and Jessica is the only who thinks she isn't. But she is.
The Wanted is a boy band with the requisite Beiber Clone: 5 handsome, non-threatening boys with a forgettable song and a confetti shower at the end.
Next down is Skylar (yellow frilly dress, not a good color for her), and Colton (wearing what looks like a tattered and very dirty tee shirt, but I'm sure he bought it that way. It looks disgustingly grungy. Oh, and it has that double cross on the front, like the old March of Dimes symbol).
I: loves what Skylar did with her song
I: thinks Colton was good, not great
Ryan asks Skylar a question, and she babbles.
And then Ryan calls down Hollie (black shortie shorts, very high heels, and a red top with droopy keyhole shoulders) and Deandre (chambray windbreaker with the sleeves pushed up, hair free flowing).
I: Hollie's performance wasn't even good High School Stuff.
I: says the judges were absolutely wrong, and Deandre was not good at all.
Ryan asks Hollie a question, and she babbles.
Deandre is in the bottom. His adorable sister in the audience falls apart. Colton is safe. Skylar is safe, and Hollie is in the bottom 3.
Now Ryan sits in the middle of the remaining kids on the couch, except that Elise is missing. Where is Elise?
He introduces Kellie Pickler. Kellie looks alarmingly thin in her drapey royal blue top and very skinny jeans. Her hair is skraggly and lanky. I think she may have returned her storebought boobs (I'm not being mean here- she announced that she bought them a couple of years ago)(well, okay, maybe I'm being a little mean). Anyway, I hated Kellie during her season, but I find her amusing now, and I applaud the fact that she pulled a career out of a 5th or 6th place elimination. The song? It's a Kellie Pickler song, no more, no less.
After the end of the song, there is still no Elise, but she's magically back a moment later. Elise (oh my... oh my... oh my... she's wearing a long, dowdy, empire dress with a silver gray pleated skirt and black strappy top. And she has a headband. Not an ear-to-ear-across-the-top-of-her-head headband, but an across-the-forehead headband. As though it's still 80's night. No one, and I repeat NO ONE should wear an across-the-forehead headband unless it's part of a costume), and Phil (red plaid shirt).
I: says that Elise choked, pure and simple.
I: is annoyed by Phil's stubborn insistence on being Phil
Ryan asks Elise a question, and she babbles.
Phil is safe (no surprise there), and Elise isn't (also no surprise).
Elise is absolutely ready for the bad news as she joins Hollie and Deandre. Hollie is sent back to the others immediately, to her roomie Skylar's delight.
Elise is, once again, more than prepared for the boot, so she's totally shocked that Deandre is the one with the least votes.
Deandre reassures his sister (who has come completely unglued at this point) that it's okay, and then he sings that Reggae song. Afterwards, he puts his hair into a band with a casual and practiced motion as the judges deliberate. JLo would have saved him, but the others say no.
So, it's Goodbye Deandre. He has potential, but he needs some seasoning, and it was time for him to go.