We open with clips from last night, recaps from last night, more clips from last night, and *in it to win it* from last night (or, you know, from any episode in the history of the show).
Mariah is wearing a black dress with a bustier-construction bodice and a black plastic corset cage on the outside of the dress. Nicki is in a red and blue tight knit dress. Both sets of bazooms are front and center. Nicki has straight-cut blonde bangs.
The Group Sing is Queen's Somebody to Love. They begin with the kids arranged for Bohemian Rhapsody, under a blue light. Their harmonies sound fine, though Amber is a bit flat. I'll describe the outfits later but let me say right now that there are some bad, bad trousers on stage tonight. Candice hits the final big notes and if JLo was here, she'd be shouting GOOSIES!
The Ford Fiesta Mission (this year's substitute for the cheesy commercials) is Who is Your Idol? Candice and Amber explain the premise, which is that the kids all are having a photo shoot dressed as their own personal idols (by which, I think they mean singing idols, not Baal, or a Golden Calf). The resemblance to anyone else is slight, at best, so I'll let you guess which who chose which one from Patsy Cline, Jessie J, Josh Groban, Dolly Parton, and Whitney Houston. I didn't catch who Burnell's idol was, but evidently he dresses a lot like Burnell.
Jimmy Iovine Opines on last night's performances:
Burnell: got it all wrong, was way behind the beat, and will be in the Bottom 2
Lazaro/Angie: not even good wedding singers
Kree: picked right song, sang with poise and dignity
Janelle: competent but not a great song
Lazaro: a reasonable job for Lazaro
Amber/Janelle/Kree: like a Grease outtake
Candice: not the right song
Amber: improving every week, legs longer every week (Me: dammit, she's 17, shut up with leg comments, you grown men)
Angie: confident, beautiful, tornado wind machine
Final comments: Lazaro needs to go.
It had to have been very hard for the kids to sit on stage and listen to that critique. Candice's face has shut down completely, and Burnell is visibly peeved.
Casey James, from Season 9, is back tonight. We're treated to his shirtless audition. His debut album went all the way to #2 on the Billboard Country Chart, which is pretty darn good. His tousled blonde curls still need a shampoo, and he's wearing a tee with a saggy neckline which looks cheap but probably cost $300. His song is perfectly competent, and if I was at a bar, drinking a beer, I'd tap my foot. Afterwards, Ryan clarifies that Casey had to go to the mall and buy a new shirt, so maybe it really is as cheap as it looks. But he's a nice guy- he brought gifts for all of the kids, which he distributes during the commercial, so we never see what they are.
Nigel Lythgoe tricked the judges into predicting their Top 3 contestants, not telling them that the picks would be made public. Much chagrin follows.
K: Kree, Angie, Amber
N: Angie, Amber, Kree
R: Amber, Kree, Angie
M: Kree, Amber, Candice
I am relieved that there will be no Huff tonight (named after hapless George Huff, who was forced in Season 3 to decide which group of 3 he belonged with top or bottom. He chose wrongly). The Huff is a no-win situation, uncomfortable for the audience and actively cruel to the kids. I won't miss it. Ryan names the Top 3, in no particular order: Kree (black short sleeved top, with one transparent sleeve, tucked in to black pants, very tall heels), Angie (grey tank, black and white splotchy jeans where the splotches sort of look like she has a stained crotch), and.... wait for it... Lazaro... sigh.
BTW, Lazaro is wearing a black leather jacket over a red tee, and maybe the ugliest pants I've ever seen. They're white, printed with a chainlink fence motif. Seriously.
Idol Darling Carrie Underwood is also appearing tonight. We see her original audition too (The Hub liked her from her first appearance even though he's not a country music fan). She's wearing a one-shouldered, coral floaty prom dress with a very long leg-slit. Her waist seems to be encased in a shiny metal ring. Her hair is short and jumbled on the front and sides, but it may be long and pinned up in back, I can't tell. She's still gorgeous. The song? It's fine. Nothing I'll buy, or listen to voluntarily again, but it's exactly of a piece with everything else she records, which means it'll sell gazillions and win Grammys. She does this thing where she drops the hand holding the microphone every line or so, and I finally figure out that she's doing it every time she inhales. It's odd.
Ryan draws it out a bit, but he finally announces that Candice (white jacket, black leather pants, and a limp) is safe. Candice looks like she's about to throw up.
Also safe: Amber (sleeveless red and white tank, weird black and white print pants).
So Burnell (quilted white leather jacket over a black leather shirt) and Janelle (white sleeveless shirt, black embroidered vest, black and gray stretch pants, boots) are the Bottom 2.
Nicki thinks Burnell is going home, but she hastens to assure him that it's not a failure.
And after 25 million votes, to no one's surprise, Burnell is going home.
Burnell sings his final song, badly. Candice is crying (so much for wanting to punch Burnell last night).Angie is crying. Amber is crying. Janelle is crying. Mariah is crying. Burnell goes over to the girls and gives Amber a kiss and then resumes the position.
The judges give him a 4-way Standing O, but since Nicki is crying too, we know there is no save. Burnell is going home. His early clips show that he really did look much better (and far more like an adult) before he lost weight.
In case you wondered- I am not crying. I won't cry until Lazaro wins this whole thing.
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