Once again, we're opening with a recap of last night's show even though tonight's episode is only an hour long. In case you forgot, it included tears, terrible Lazaro, and amazing Candice.
Mariah is wearing another prom dress, this one bright red. The bodice is all strappy, with peekaboo obliques and boobs. Nicki is in a short, blue, tight, long sleeved dress with a ruffly bustle. She has red lips and no wig tonight. Ryan's black polka dot tie is very long, it hangs almost below the hem of his gray jacket. Randy is in a white shirt with large blue polka dots, and a cheap-looking dark blue denim blazer. I honestly didn't notice what Keith was wearing.
The Group Sing is a Bacharach medley. Janelle starts with You'll Never Get to Heaven. After a good long time, Angie continues with... well, I don't actually recognize this one. Kree sings Always Something There to Remind me. Lazaro sings This Guy's In Love. He sings it badly. Really, really badly. Candice and Amber together sing One Less Bell to Answer. Damn, Candice. Just damn. They segue into A House is Not a Home, and then everyone sings That's What Friends are For. All in all, it's a nice medley.
I think they've totally abandoned the notion that the Ford Fiesta Missions are supposed to be altruistic. Tonight the kids are divided into two teams (red and green) and they drive two Ford Fiestas (red and green) and they play soccer on a parking garage roof with a big big ball. Let me be clear about this- they're playing soccer WITH their cars. Driving the cars to bump the ball for goals. This seems like a recipe for disaster, though if one happened, it was off camera.
Jimmy Iovine Opines:
Kree: has great vocals but needs to show more personality
Angie: competent but that's not enough to win
Lazaro: boring, unskilled, and 10th out of 6 performers (Note: it's unclear whether Jimmy is making a joke, or he just can't count).
Ryan plays games with the kids, making Angie (long, black leather top, geometric black and white print mini, booties) go and stand at the far side of the stage. He has Lazaro (red shirt, patent leather vest, bow tie) stand in the middle of the stage, and Kree (great sideswept hair, black jacket over a white top) stand on the other side of the stage. But this is just a time killer because Ryan sends them back to the bleachers so he can go into the audience and talk with a grizzled Kevin Bacon.
We see clips of Scotty McCreery's audition, and other show bits. I remember that he talks out of the corner of his mouth, and that Steven Tyler made a highly inappropriate joke about him. I forgot how deep Scotty's voice is. The boy is a baritone. His new song is pretty much the same as everything else he ever sang- pleasant, and country with a crossover appeal. It goes on for a long time.
Ryan sends Janelle (cute white embroidered peasant top, jeans and boots) to stand with Angie (who has resumed the position). He sends Amber (sparkly silver jacket with black leather trim) to Lazaro in the middle, and Canddice (a denim vest that looks like it was spray-painted silver, tan jeans, black top) to join Kree. But this arrangement means nothing, because they're sent back to the bleachers again.
More Jimmy Iovine Opinions:
Janelle: literal interpretations are not enough to win
Candice: leading everyone, with a great sense of herself and her talent
Amber: looks great, the whole package, baffled as to why she doesn't connect more with the voters. (My guess: she's a kid, pretty and a great voice, but absolutely no life-experience. It shows.)
Next we see a very very early conversation with Kelly Clarkson, Ryan, and the unlamented Brian Dunkleman. In it, Kelly is wearing a strapless abomination consisting of two long jean legs cut open and and laced together in the front and back. Kelly proudly explains that she made it herself, which explains so much. Tonight's outfit is probably not homemade, but still... she's wearing a very oddly constructed dress with a full skirt and sleeves with transparent sections, over leggings. The dress, Kelly's earrings, and all of the band outfits, are decorated with splats and splatters of reflective paint which glows under the black lighting. Her eye makeup is disconcerting- the eyelids are painted a solid black and her upper eyelids are traced with a line of pale blue reflective coloring. When her eyes are closed, they look like open, empty eye sockets. When her eyes are open, it just looks weird. The song? It's another Kelly Clarkson Empowerment Anthem. Kelly's post-idol music has never appealed to me but I'm happy for her success. After the song, Mariah toddles up on stage (her dresses are so tight that she can only take mincing steps) and they have A Moment together.
So the kids are back on stage, in the same formation as before. Ryan immediately tells us that Kree and Candice are The Top Vote Getters. YAY! (I guess my online votes helped... snort). Then Ryan says that Angie and Janelle are safe (I was sort of expecting them to be in the bottom, not that I'm sorry to be wrong).
That means that Lazaro and Amber (once again ) are in the bottom. I assume this means that Amber is the low singer on the totem pole because Lazaro has placed inexplicably well throughout the competition, while better singers have gone home. But nope, Lazaro is done. I say that with all confidence because there is no way in hell that the judges will use their save for him even though his final singout is better than either of last night's performances (though you should not mistake *better* for *good*).
So, it's good-bye Lazaro, finally. And congratulations Show- you wanted a female winner, and by cracky, you're going to get one.
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