Thursday, March 29, 2012

AI Season 11- Top 9 Elimination, 03-29-12

We get Steven, JLo, and Randy voice overs as clips and assorted candid shots of the kids are played: Anyone can win/babble/mumble/gush.

JLo is wearing an inexplicable dress with a short dark poofy skirt, something that looks like a blue feather-print vest, with blue knit sleeves. There are also cutouts and open spots, and other strange things. Randy is in a leather aviator jacket. Steven is all cream- pants, shirt, jacket- and a leopard print scarf. Ryan is evidently going to wear a dark suit and tie for every single show. How boring.

Tonight's guests are Nicki Minaj (an unholy combo of Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, and a circus clown), and Scotty McCreery. JLo is not the only judge who has something to plug- Aerosmith is going on tour this summer. Say what you will about Steven Tyler, the man is a genuine superstar.

Ryan addresses the kids, telling most of them that their Idols tweeted about the performances last night. Everyone, he says, except Deandre. But then Eric Benet comes out, and Deandre is blown away. That was a lot of setup for a 30 second reveal that means absolutely nothing.

The Fordmercial song is I Wanna Rock, wherein the kids load lots of vintage TVs into an Escape, and then watch themselves rock out in 80's costumes. Jessica, in particular, looks hilarious in her wig.

This week, the kids moved from their motel to the mansion in Hollywood Hills, within sight of the big sign (and maybe more random dismembered bodies). The place is huge- there are bathrooms, bidets, bathtubs, beds, a gym and a pool. And lots of stairs.

Ryan stands at the chrome podium, and calls down Elise (in a solid- purple version of the horrible dress that Erika wore last week. This one also has one shoulder, and is anchored under the boobs. It's truly terrible), Phil (black shirt...totally Phil), and Hollie (green sleeveless tunic that is so sleeveless that she has to wear a black underthing to keep from falling out of the armholes).

Iovine (I) is pleased with Erika's performance and reminds all of us that 28 is not actually old. He says that Stevie likes Phil, and that's enough for him. He thinks that Hollie lacks experience and has no soul.

Without screwing with them, Ryan says that Hollie is in the Bottom 3, and Phil and Elise are safe.

Nicki Minaj is going to sing her song, Starships. That explains the pink UFO animation that flies around the stage before she enters. Nicki has on a blonde wig, and a rainbow halter that barely contains her bazooms. She's also wearing a rainbow sparkly mullet skirt. There is not even a hint of an actual human voice in this song. The backup kids dance around in their undies. One of the guys appears to be wearing white shorts with a built in penis shelf. Someone should mention to La Minaj that when one's boobs are so precariously restrained, one should not bend over. After the performance, Nicki begs to be a judge and JLo looks very skeptical.

Commercial Note: Hey Jordin Sparks- when someone loves your music that much, it's not nice to look at her as though she smells bad.

Next, Ryan calls down Colton (in the same filmy gray tee as last week. I actually find that sort of endearing). I says that Colton is good but not great, and that breaking down in the middle of the song is Not A Good Thing. Joshua is in a cream jacket buttoned up over a red check shirt. For a change, the jacket looks like it's the proper size. I says that Joshua has a lot of talent, but he needs to control the over-emotion. Heejun (windbreaker jacket over a blue and gray striped tee) impressed I by taking it seriously, but it's probably not enough to save him.

Ryan does not torture Colton this week- he sends him back to safety right away. Joshua is safe. First he hugs Heejun, and then he rushes over to hug Elise, which unsettles Ryan. Ryan does not like improvisation. Heejun is in the bottom 3.

Scotty McCreery, last year's winner, is here to sing Watertower Town. I had forgotten exactly how deep Scotty's voice is. It's deep... really really deep. This song has a lot of words, 75% of which I can't understand. Scotty does a little less of that side-mouth singing that he perfected last year, and I think he's grown a bit taller. Iovine comes out and presents Scotty with a platinum record. Scotty is overwhelmed, as well he should be.

Next down is Skylar (it must be One Shoulder Night on American Idol. Skylar is wearing a white lace one shouldered dress with a wide leather belt, and cowboy boots.It is no more attractive than Elise's dress, or Erika's before her.) I likes her personally but doubts Skylar's song choices. Deandre is in a black tee and unbridled hair. I neither loves nor hates Deandre, but thinks he needs more experience.  I is amazed that Jessica (slinky sparkly silver pants, very very high heels, white blouson top) has that kind of range and control while only being 16 years old. I think all of us feel that way about Jessica.

Jessica and Deandre are safe, so the Bottom 3 are Skylar, Hollie, and Heejun. The Hub and I think that the Judges might use The Save for Skylar, but it turns out not to be necessary. Skylar is safe.

And Hollie is safe. Heejun seems okay with this. And as is often the case, he sounds great on his singout. In fact, this is probably the best he's ever sounded. JLo is crying as she watches, so the verdict is certain.

I like Heejun, and I wish him well. I think he'll land on his feet on some stage somewhere.

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