Thursday, January 23, 2014

AI Season 13- Jan 16 catch-up recap: Austin and San Francisco Auditions

Here's how the catch-up recaps will work- as much as I love this show, I cannot watch six hours in a single day. This is the recap of the Thursday, January 16 show. Tonight, I'll watch the new episode in the usual way, and tomorrow I'll watch and recap last night's episode (Wednesday, Jan 22). At least I can fast forward through the commercials on the recorded shows.

So, on September 25, 2013, a slightly heavier, greasier version of Jesse Tyler Ferguson sang in a forced and yodely voice. We get no name and no verdict. Instead we segue into clips of hopeful after hopeful holding up hopeful signs. We also see the judges holding up handmade signs. And Ryan, who, for the first time this season says: This is American Idol.

Evidently, Austin has long-horn cattle right in town. At least that's what the scenery clips imply. Keith is a bit more blond than usual, with more highlights. He's wearing a black tee. HCJ is in a brown leather jacket over a gray tee. JLo is all in denim and diamonds, with a cropped top and jeans with holey knees. Her center-parted hair is straight and her lipstick is nude.

Jessie Roach has a matte black guitar, matte black hair, and matte black clothes. She's 27 but looks every day of 39. Some strange woman heard her playing in her garage and offered to pay for Jessie's trip to audition. Sounds stalkerish to me. I do like Jessie's country/folkie voice, however. The judges agree.

Steven Curd sings boy-bandish blues. Anna Melvin, in a midriff blouse and short full skirt, tries way too hard. Bearded Ryan Clark is not my style at all. All 3 go through.

Up next are high school besties Jamiah Malik, who is 15, and Quiandra Boston, who is 17. I think Jamiah has been friendzoned. He sings his own original song in a sort of country raspy rap, which I like just about as much as you might expect me to like it. Quiandra has an attitude, and her voice is thin. We're asked to guess which one goes through- I guess Jamiah, but nope... At least Jamiah is graceful about the rejection. He holds it together fairly well on camera.

Megan Miller is wearing a black crop top with fringes, and a floaty black mullet skirt. She oversings Carrie Underwood terribly, but for some reason, the judges like her.

Gracie Steele is a 27 year old professional piano player- the kind you hear in restaurants and mall food courts. She has lanky blonde hair, a pink skirt, cowboy boots, and a white jacket. She actually uses her cell phone to find her pitch. I don't think it worked. She was genuinely shocked to get 3 no's.

Austin Alvarez is Adam Lambert Jr, and Eric Wood is an oil field worker. Both are in.

Spencer Lloyd is 19 and very very pretty. He seems sweet and looks a bit like Zachary Levi. He gets 3 qualified yesses- mostly because he's pretty. Have I mentioned that he's pretty?

They play football in guitars in Texas, in just about equal numbers I think.

Marlon Lindsey is a 27 year old, bow tie wearing army veteran. He sings A Change is Gonna Come with far too many runs, but he has a good voice. He moves on.

Some shirtless no-name idiot with red suspenders, sunglasses, and cut off jeans strides into the judging room spouting stale imitations of Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson... lordy, and even more stale jokes. And then he Rick Rolled them. The judges booted him before he could beg for another chance.

t.k. hash (no caps in hashville, evidently) bears a very slight (and I do mean slight) resemblance to President Obama, which he exploited shamelessly. I'm not feeling the singing- he has a nice smile, but otherwise... meh. But the judges liked him.

The Audience Guess- a blonde generic singer named McKenna Dennis. I say no, but I am wrong.

In The Chamber, auditioners check their pit stains, waggle their batwing arms, second guess their talent, use mouth spray, and in all ways, display a lot of nerves.

Tristan Langley is 15. He comes in with  his mom, a redhead who looks like she was rode hard and put up wet. Turns out that Tristan is the son of Nikki McKibbin, Season One's 3rd place finisher. Nikki has a history of poor choices and bad decisions (including a stint on Celebrity Rehab), but her son is adorably clean cut and polite. He sings with an okay country voice which would not have been enough to get him through if not for the novelty of being the show's first second-generation auditioner.

We see clips of lots of hopefuls, including Taylor Sterros, who sings in a blue waitress uniform. Lots of tickets are handed out, and lots of sad kids are sent home.

L.J. Hernandez is a rancher. He says his former fiance told him he didn't have enough talent to get on the show. LJ is wearing a white leather jacket slung over his shoulders, and pleated pants. He talks a mile a minute and is deeply annoying. He should have listened to his ex.

Now we're back to the show opener, a church leader named John Fox. He's still forced and yodely, and he sings with his eyes closed. He gets 3 yesses,

We move on to San Francisco and see home movies, clips, and famous landmarks. I think there's a bridge there, or something. Maybe some hills.  Unless Keith starts wearing things that are startling or different, I'm going to stop talking about his clothes. HCJ is wearing a camo tee with a blue placket. He's a bit less scruffy than usual. JLo has middle-schoolgirl hair, and a sheer black lace top over solid black. Or maybe the lace is under, I can't tell. Anyway, her long sleeves are gathered at the cuffs.

Rachel Rolleri, 17, is a big Keith Urban Fan. She has a good, clear tone, and I like her, not the least because she looks a bit like my oldest granddaughter.

Athena Williford, 20, Whitneys the heck out of herself in a crop top and navel chain. Remi Wolf is 17, with shapeless curly hair and a shapeless curly dress. M.K. Nobilette sounds just like a girl, but he knows it very well. I would have happily sent all 3 home, but they move on.

The next guy comes in crawling on his hands and knees, singing. The judges are not amused. He's Emmanuel Zoder, 24. His shaved hair is dyed blond (yes, I meant both of those things), he cries, is overwrought, and in general, has the Drama Queen thing down pat. I really really don't like him, but he gets the nod.

Aaaawwww, we see JLo's adorable little twins.

Samuel Ramsey is wearing a terrible turquoise sideways hat which matches his turquoise tank top. He says he is going to sing his song in a jazzy style. Samuel now knows that it is not a good idea to invoke the sacred word JAZZ in front of HCJ unless you have some notion of what jazz actually is.

Kaitlynn Johnson is 15 and maybe 8' tall. She lives on a horse ranch, and sings Etta James by way of Christina Aguilera. I'm not sure what to think of Kaitlynn. The judges think she needs more seasoning but she squeaks on through.

Ronald James Reed is hyper. He can play the guitar, but he sings subliminally, and then he squeals. All 3 say no, and Ronald purely falls apart and whines like a puppy.

David Lunning is 26. He wears a vest and checked shirt, and a fedora over his Keith Urban hair. Usually hats annoy me, but David pulls this one off. He sings an original song, and twice in a single season, an original song has actually been worth listening to. It's bluesy and growly, and David might be better suited for The Voice than Idol. He goes through, though I don't know if the vote was unanimous.

A pair of twins comes in. Selena (wearing black with pink accents) and Serena (wearing pink with black accents) are 22. One sings Janis Joplin and I am not impressed. The other has a better voice. So of course, the Janis Joplin girl makes it. She is very sad for her sister.

Season 12 auditioner, and Hollywood alumna Brianna, is back. She still has great curly hair, a cool baggy sweater, and Nefertiti eyeliner. She has a powerful voice, but sings too many runs. I actually think she's off-key throughout, but she gets a unanimous nod.

Rico Perkins, with red clown hair, cannot be serious. Aransea seems to be. Both sing songs from Willy Wonka, and both move on. Makes no sense to me.

Gaddy Basil Foster is a muscle bound doofus. He looks a bit like one of the Wayans brothers in a felt beret and a torn tank top. He sings in that Kermit voice, like there's a bubble at the back of his throat. The judges send him home.

Adam Roth is a barefoot hippie, a sound healer who aligns chakras with his voice. Seriously. He sings with a breathy, soft voice, and has an uncontrolled vibrato. I am not healed. HCJ says no, but JLO and Keith overrule him.

In the last clip, JLo gets bleeped because something was blank-blank hilarious... heeee.

All in all, 19 kids from San Francisco and 14 from Austin moved on, for a total of 79 Golden Tickets so far.

Last night's episode was in Detroit, but I won't recap that until tomorrow. I have no idea where we'll be tonight, but I'm sure it'll be interesting.

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