Not Giving Up My Day Job Any Time Soon

I don't question The Muse. When she tells me to knit mittens, I knit mittens. When she tells me to write books about a weary, overweight waitress, I snap a salute and get to work (well, maybe not quite so cheerfully, and certainly not quickly, but I do it). And when she tells me to write a Country Western song, I say, "Huh. Seriously?"

Seriously.

I honestly don't remember when I wrote this song (the lyrics reference being forty-something, and I've been fifty-something for going on six years now- though like the mysteries, this song is not autobiographical, and I've been married for 37 years and... well, I don't need to explain further)- my guess is '99 or thereabouts.

I have not a clue in the world why I needed to write it, but the Mason-Dixon gals' hilarious song reminded me that the file was gathering dust on my hard drive.

So here it is. I'm not a musician and I could not carry a tune if one was handed to me in a bucket. I don't have an inkling of a melody (though I'm thinking a blend of Jimmy Buffet and Judy Tenuta), so if anyone out there wants to write a tune for this ditty, I'd love to hear it. My agent doesn't handle music, but she probably knows someone who does- maybe we'll hit The Charts with this.

(note: as I read this over, the first time I'd seen it in years, I not only still liked it, I only changed 1 line, hence the new copyright date)

Herewith, on its public debut:

Leave the Lights Off, Darlin'

lyrics by Kathleen Taylor copyright 2008



It took awhile and I'm so glad
You’re here, in bed, with me.
We're old enough
To know the signs.
Yes, this was meant to be.

But now we’re warm and snuggled down
All ready to make woo,
There’s just one thing
Before we start
I need to ask of you.


Chorus:

Leave the lights off, darlin’
Who needs reality?
Leave the lights off, darlin’
Some things you
Should not see.
I’ve lived a life both long and full.
The mileage shows, I fear.
Leave the lights off, darlin’.
You’ll be glad you did, my dear.


Believe me, Hon, if I was young
And weighed, say, one-oh-three
I’d tiptoe
Through your chest hair
Damning modesty.

But since I’m forty-something
There’ll be no skinny dips.
Be so kind,
Pretend you’re blind.
See with your fingertips.


Chorus:

Leave the lights off, darlin’
Continue in the dark.
Leave the lights off, darlin’
I’ll help you
Hit the mark.
I know how I look naked,
I’m sparin’ you the sight
Leave the lights off ,darlin’
And we’ll fool around all night.



I'm way too old to hesitate,
You know I’m not a prude,
So pretty please
Just close your eyes
And ease this interlude.

I thought it out from every side,
I knew on our first kiss
No matter when
We made this move,
That I would still insist…


Chorus:

Leave the lights off, darlin’
Shun the light of day.
Leave the lights off, darlin’
My thighs
Look best that way.
I've been rode hard and put up wet,
And what I say is true.
Leave the lights off, darlin’
And I’ll do the same for you.