Ryan walks down the line of frightened hopefuls, ending with Phil Phillips, who looks a whole lot healthier and happier than this time last year.
Mariah is wearing a plum one-shouldered prom dress with a long slit, which means she can stand up tonight if she is so moved. Nicki, here and on time, is in a lime green lace shorts suit with no blouse underneath, and the blonde wig with the side part and black roots. Randy and Keith are dressed just like Randy and Keith, respectively. Ryan is in a dark brown (or maybe gray) tweed suit.
Jimmy Iovine says that it's clear that the girls outsang the guys last night, as though the show didn't stack the deck for that exact result. He says that Curtis needs to change it up or he won't make it past Top 8, that Janelle is safe, that Devin is in danger, that Angie has real talent but wasn't her best last night, that Paul Jolley is pure pop and not country at all, that Candice is what music is supposed to sound like, that Lazaro has potential but needs work, that Kree knows herself, that Burnell is the best guy, and that Amber has charisma and the whole Star Package.
So we dive right in, Ryan has Devin (gray cardigan, gray shirt) stand and says that he got the most votes in Puerto Rico. Janelle (denim jacket, teal floaty long mullet skirt and subdued makeup) was first in Tennessee. Candice (pretty white tunic with black trim) got the most votes from South Carolina.
Ryan then says that one of them is in the Top 3. Janelle knows what's coming and pats Candice's arm. Candice is thrilled to find out that she's in the Top 3 (me too).
Yay! Group Sing! Tonight they're doing Shine Your Way from the new animated movie, The Croods. Devin begins the solo, joined by Burnell. All of the kids are sitting on stools while clips of the movie play in the background. Man, this movie looks awful. But the kids sound good together, though I have no idea how much of what I'm hearing is them singing live, and how much is backing track and backstage backup singers. But at least we get the Pointy Pose!
After the song, Ryan sends everyone back except Kree (in a very pretty red jacket over a black top and pants). Her huge hometown mayor (he towers over Ryan by at least a foot) gives Kree the key to the city. Better yet, Ryan sends her to join Candice in the Top 3. Yay again!
Jane Lynch is in the audience. She pulls Ryan onto her lap. And then Ryan sits on some random girl's lap to announce Bon Jovi.
Jon Bon Jovi is finally showing just a bit of age, but damn, he's still a fine looking fella. The whole band is dressed in black, and they're singing a new Bon Jovi song bonjovily. I am pretty sure that this performance was taped in advance because there are no shots of the judges wearing their rapt Listening to Peers faces.
I had forgotten that the #6 Boy and Girl from last week would get a shot to sing for the 11th slot on the tour. Ryan calls out Charlie Askew (which surprised me- I didn't think he ranked anywhere near that high). Charlie looks much less fragile than he did last week. Also cleaner. He's singing an original song about blue diamonds, sitting at a white piano. It's not a great song, and the lyrics are simple and repetitive, but he's singing it in a pure and sweet voice. If he'd done this last week, he'd still be in the competition.
Ryan then calls out Aubrey (knee length black dress with inappropriate transparent underboob panels, and sideswept hair). She's singing a soft and boring ballad with only the piano for backing.
Ryan says that online voters will get to decide which one goes on tour, and the winner will be announced next week. My guess is that tour attendees will be more entertained by Charlie and the possibility of onstage meltdowns, than by a generic pretty girl, but we'll see.
Phil Phillips is up next, singing his new song, Gone Gone Gone. He's wearing a plaid shirt and a bit of facial underbrush (in other words: a Phil Phillips costume). This is a good song and exactly of a piece with the music that won him last year's title. I love his little heel-clicking move. Afterwards, Randy joins Phil onstage to announce that Home is officially quadruple platinum.
Ryan now has Lazaro (black jacket, electric green shirt) and Angie (black pants and a black top with cut in shoulders and a studded yoke) stand. He draws out the non-existent tension before sending Angie to join Candice and Kree. Ryan explains that they won't be telling us the voting order of the Top 3, but that we'll find out the rest.
Forthwith:
4th Place: Lazaro! Wow, I didn't see that one coming. Neither did Lazaro.
5th Place: Amber (cuffed jeans, blood-splattered tee shirt, and very very tall shoes)
6th Place: Janelle, which is no surprise at all
7th Place: Burnell, also no surprise. I'm also glad.
Ryan tortures Devin, Curtis and Paul Jolley before naming Paul Jolley #8. Wow, I thought he was going home.
So, it's down to Devin and Curtis (black and white spirograph print shirt). Keith likes Devin and Nicki declares that she will go home if Curtis does.
And 9th Place is.... Devin.... Well, I didn't see that one coming either.
Nicki gets up and pretends to stomp out. Nicki's boobs threaten to march off in an entirely different direction. But she and her chestular area sit back down for Curtis's final song so that the judges can decide whether to use their Save tonight and get it over with.
Curtis sings exactly the same song in exactly the same squinty way he sang it last night, and I dislike it exactly the same amount. The other kids look genuinely distressed- so I guess Curtis isn't as much of a jerk to them as he was to Charlie during Hollywood Week. I think that the judges are truly deliberating tonight (as opposed to the fake consultations they usually have up until the Top 5 Elimination, when they traditionally use it). But in the end, the vote wasn't unanimous and Curtis is going home.
Nicki is so shocked that she forgets to speak nonsense, and she uses her real speaking voice. Lazaro looks ill, and Curtis, to his credit, is taking it all very well.
He's played out with Phil's new song, and that's it for this week.
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