Oscar Thoughts

I've only seen one of the nominated movies (Up), and have no intention of seeing several of the others (the marvelously realized depressing stories. I know they reflect real life, but I don't need to pay a lot of money to confirm what I hear on the news and read in magazines. Or to cry in public).

So I watch The Oscars for the dresses. And the Awkward Moments. There were plenty last night.

Good Dresses: JLo (okay, it was over the top, but over the top in a really good way), Sigourney Weaver (does she ever look bad?), Helen Mirren (ditto), Meryl Streep (yes, she does occasionally look bad, so last night's dress was a pleasure), Sandra Bullock (it fit her perfectly and was appropriate to the occasion). George Clooney's Girlfriend, Younger Girl in Flesh Toned Floaty Chiffon Dress.

The Medium-Good Dress Trend: Blotchy Colors that look like a cross between tie-dye and an old bedspread: Maggie Gyllenhall, and that other lady who wore one like it with a full skirt (I didn't take notes, I just watched and knitted).

The Oh-My, Don't Ever Do That Again: Sarah Jessica Parker (in something Barbra Streisand might have worn to The Oscars in 1969), Zoe Saldana (festooning your dress with the pelts of dead muppets ain't going to cut it), Charlize Theron and her boob caressing satin roses.

The Stand Up Straight and Breathe Through Your Nose, Please: Miley Cyrus. See Also: stop talking

WTF?: Celebrating The Hurt Locker and UP with modern dance?

Go Away: Ben Stiller

More WTF?: Red haired lady bodily pushing that guy out of the way during his acceptance speech (I hear there's very bad blood between them, and that his 87 year old mother tried to trip her with a cane).

Rising Blood Pressure: The unspoken addition of *for a fat girl* every time one of the Red Carpet Commentators described how lovely Gabourey Sidibe was (except for Ryan, who I think genuinely likes the big girls).

The My God, She Can Smile: Kristen Stewart

The Okay But Not Outstanding: Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin co-hosting

Most Inappropriate Music: Tie: Thank Heaven for Little Girls (good grief, do they not know what that movie is about?), and I am Woman (give me a break).

The Actual Awards: who cares?

Better than anything we saw last night, is this- A Trailer For Every Academy Award Winning Movie Ever.