Hang in there with me folks, only two more weeks left- I am so ready for this season to be over. In the meantime, we get shots of winners and near winners at their Hometown Visits. If Taylor Hicks was in there, I missed him. None of the Surviving 4 want to go home, they all want their Hometown Visits. Of course, all four of them are going home- one is just going to stay there.
JLO is wearing a cream-colored, short, floaty, 60's maternity dress. Her hair is pulled up and back in barrettes. Steven is in a shirt made of shiny golden lizard skin, and a black leather jacket. Randy is wearing a blue and white polka dot shirt with a cardigan. A cardigan with a blue body, cream sleeves, and red trim. He's wearing large yellow pin that is vaguely shaped like a lumpy no-necked human. The pin appears to have a raised portion- a decoration, if you will, plopped smack on the crotchal region. Is it a penis? Is it a vagina? Is it a trough of some sort? Beats the hell outta me.
Ryan is in a blue suit and a pinstriped shirt and no tie. He says that David Cook is performing tonight. Also JLo.
The Group Sing is California Dreamin'. There are a lot of random teenagers on stage standing behind behind velvet ropes on either side of a wide aisle. The Fab 4 come out, lined up side by side. They saunter down between the velvet ropes, and then they saunter back. And then they saunter forward again. They actually sound not horrible on this song, but I'm so fascinated by the strolling that I have a hard time hearing them.
We segue directly into the Fordmercial, or at least we segue into a Behind The Fordmercial Scenes segment. We see Hollie and Jessica and Joshua- evidently Phil has been given a permanent commercial pass. They're featuring Ford's electric car, the Focus. The BTS stuff is far more interesting than the actual commercial.
Ryan calls Phil (red/white/blue plaid shirt over a brown tee) down. Iovine says that Phil's found himself in his #1 song, and that his #2 song delivered on the season-long promise. He would sign Phil.
Ryan calls for the lights to be dimmed, and mentions that 70 million votes were cast. And then he sends Phil back to the bleachers without a verdict. The audience boos. The Taylors boo.
Next, Ryan calls Hollie (straight hair, prominent boobs, blue strapless sun dress with a narrow white belt and two bands of white trim on the hem). Iovine says that Hollie's faults actually helped her on #1 because it's a dramatic song, but that she crashed and burned on #2.
Again, Ryan sends Hollie back to the others without telling us any results. I'm tired of this ploy already.
Has David Cook been on already this season? I can't remember for sure- the seasons all run together. David is in black on black on black (including his guitar). His hair is spiked off-center, and his facial hair is scruffy. The song is okay, though it sounds like every other schmoopy ballady rock song.
Ryan calls Joshua (short-sleeved white knit shirt with yellow, green, red, and blue stripes, and white tennis shoes). Iovine says that #1 was High School, and the gospel choir was out of place, but that #2 was pure magic.
Ryan sends him back.
Jessica (low-slung black leather pants, and a floaty print bandana shirt over a pink tube top) is next. Iovine says #1 was technically fine but it still wasn't a good idea to sing a song suited to a much more mature person, but that #2, also technically flawless, was great and that Tommy Motola agreed.
And Jessica is sent back too.
We pretend that JLo is doing a live performance of her song Dance Again, but there is a very elaborate set and lots of smoke and lights, and there are no judges watching. She's wearing a glittery blue swimsuit whose neckline plunges to the waist, with black nylons and heels. She, and the shirtless Backup Hunks dance in and around a Stargate. There is less auto-tune than usual, which allows us to hear the lyrics (Ms. Lopez loves to make love to us, Baby). There are a couple of silver-clad Dancer Girls as well. I wonder if the solo dancer is her current Boy Toy- he's wearing dark pants (as opposed to the light camo on the Auxiliary Boy Toys), and there is an awful lot of butt grabbing. After the singing stops, Dark Pants steps up behind JLo and fixes a stray hair strand. It's such an intimate thing to do on stage, and it's actually sorta sweet.
Afterwards, JLo is back, in her maternity mini, looking fresh and rested. Ryan calls all 4 kids down to center stage. Steven talks about Phil. JLo talks about Hollie. Randy expounds on Joshua. JLo praises Jessica. All of them say basically the same things: the kids have grown, they tried hard, they deserve to be there, and they will all succeed.
In short order, Ryan sends Jessica and Joshua safely back to the bleachers. Phil is philosophical and Hollie is resigned. Ryan reminds us of other shockers in general, and Daughtry in particular, and then he says that Phil is safe.
This is exactly as it should be, except that it could have happened any time in the last 4 or 5 weeks. JLo is teary-eyed. Joshua is weeping (genuine tears, genuine sadness). Jessica squeezes out a trace of moisture. Phil is philosophical.
Hollie sings The Climb, which really is the perfect song for her. She has a good voice, and with maybe a few more years under her belt, she'll become a great performer.
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