Ryan walks the gauntlet on this, the first night of Season 9 voting. He introduces the 12 girls too quickly for me to list, and there are too many really bad outfits to describe them all (though I can't help noticing that Haeley is wearing a frothy white abomination).
At this stage of the game, it's 3 nights a week, with performances on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and elimination on Thursdays, which means I'm going to have to set the DVR because I'm not missing Jim and Pam's baby even for AI.
Ellen, sitting at the far end of the judges table, is wearing a cream colored suit. Randy is in stripes. Kara is wearing a hair tumor, a messily foofy ponytail, and a blue satin, off the shoulder dress. Simon is wearing a gray sweater that looks like it's knit from a soft boucle. Simon badly wants it to be a Girl Year, and Ellen has a bit of fun at his expense.
Tonight, and for the forseeable future, the kids are singing songs from The Billboard charts, which means they can choose just about any song ever recorded.
I do not remember ever having heard Paige Miles sing. She's wearing a black lace romper with a wide satin sash, tights, and heels, and she's singing All Right Now. This is not very good, and though I don't have a timer on her, it seems like the song goes on forever (and not in a good way). I am not impressed. However, Simon thinks Paige has the best voice of all the girls, and the others agree. This mystifies me- they obviously hear something that I don't. Well, at least she can go and pee now.
Ashley Rodriguez, and her nose stud, and gold chains, and tight jeans, and white tee, and shiny silver jacket, are signing Happy. I don't love this song, but she has a good tone and is doing okay with it. What I really don't like, however, is how very very aware Ashley is of the camera. Ashley is not thrilled with the judges' criticism. She'd better get used to it because I doubt she's going home yet.
Pretty blonde Janell Wheeler is wearing a one-shouldered purple top over extremely skinny pants (which are not flattering from the back) and boots, with her 8' legs. She's singing Heart's What About Love, which is a risky choice. I like Janell's voice, but the song is way too big for her. The judges agree with me.
Lilly Scott is 20, but looks 40. She's wearing a green chicken-print dress from the 50's, and she desperately needs a new hairstyle. She's singing The Beatles' Fixing a Hole, and accompanying herself on the guitar. I don't think she's quite pulling it off, but she's trying something really interesting here.
Katelyn Epperley carries on The Beatling, with Oh Darlin'. She's wearing a strapless black leather dress, flowered hose, and a bird in her very curly hair. She bounces up and down like she also has to go to the bathroom, and has absolutely no connection to the song, though Kara says that she improved on the original. Say what?
Speaking of Kara- she's quickly filling Paula's incoherent shoes, though even at her Purple Monkey Dishwasher worst, Paula never utterred the word "bitch" on air.
Haeley Vaughn lisps. And she graciously allows us to watch her nose being pierced. She's dressed like a 6 year old Birthday Party Princess in white tights, white shoes, row upon row of ruffles, and a big flowered headband. Oh, and a red guitar. Lordy- it's more Beatles, with I Wanna Hold Your Hand. Oh, my, this is horrible on all levels.
Lacey Brown has major bed-redhead, and is wearing a belted toga made from Aunt Ethel's kitchen curtains. And more nasal jewelry (nose studs are rampant this year). She's singing Landslide on the Stool of Seriousness. This is a weird song, and Lacey is doing a heroic Stevie Nicks with it. I don't know what to make of the performance. Neither do the judges.
Michelle Delamor has a great smile which doesn't quite counterbalance the black satin top she's wearing (it has a bustle, fer gods sake). She's singing Alicia Keyes, and generally choosing a song that Big is a mistake, but she's doing well. In fact, she's the best one so far, except for that last note, which cut off abruptly.
Didi Benami (whose name I've misspelled throughout, I think) looks a bit like Christina Applegate. She's wearing a funky and colorful crocheted vest over black capris. She's singing The Way I Am, which I am not familiar (actual lyrics: I'll buy you Rogaine when you start losing your hair). Didi has a quirky voice and this is a quirky song, and I like it, though her last note was wonky.
Siobhan Magus has a huge flower in her hair, and is wearing a black dress and flats (rather than stilettos, like most of the others), and may just possibly have a Mary Poppins tattoo. She's changing things up with a nose ring, rather than a stud. Siobhan chose a Chris Isaak song, and does very well by it, hitting those high yodely notes perfectly. She has a good stage presence and is aware of the camera without trying to seduce it (Ashley, I'm talking to you).
Crystal Bowersox is wearing street clothes and a lip-stud. Her dreds look a bit more sculpted than before, and I think she's been to the dentist. But none of that matters. She's singing Hand In My Pocket, a song I loathe, and I don't care about that either. She's good. So damn good that I forget to be annoyed that Alanis Morissette exists. Wow! WOW! oh yeah, and even more WOW!!!!!! She knows her own voice and her own persona, and she's totally comfortable onstage. Outside of wishing she'd ditch the harmonica (not because I dislike it, but because I'd rather hear her sing), this performance is, hands-down, the best of the night.
17 year old Katie Stevens looks a lot like last year's Tatiana del Toro, only without the crazy. She's wearing a black strapless prom dress with a red rose belt, a red headband, and red shoes. Ryan says she's singing Michael Buble's Feeling Good, but I could swear that this is a jazz standard (in other words, Michael Buble may have sung it, but it's surely not *his* song). Katie has a powerful voice, but I agree with Simon and Ellen- this was totally a Pagent Performance.
So- worst of the night? Haeley, without a doubt, with a tossup between Paige and Lacey for the other slot.
Best? Siobhan and Crystal (big surprise there).
Tomorrow night, the guys. I can't wait to hear what Andrew Garcia and John Park come up with.
Will I vote tonight? Maybe.
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