FO, Idol and Lost Musings, and WTF... Seriously... WTF?

Lookie here! I finished a pair of socks! For all that the yarn looked to be randomly dyed, the repeat is not only easy to see, it's easy to replicate. This pair is pretty well identical. Too bad these are destined for the Christmas pile, or I'd keep them myself.

(and since I embedded the picture before writing anything, now the rest of the post will be centered... sigh...)

So- I've had a few days to get over the disappointment of Crystal's American Idol loss. I'm still sad that her artistry wasn't rewarded with the crown, but my earlier (and wiser) notion that it would not serve her well to win, has returned. Crystal wants to make a living making music- I believe she's going to be able to do that now, win or no. And... it's just a show...

Which is what some Lost viewers might want to tell themselves.

LOST SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER

I didn't have a problem with the series finale- I was in it for the people, not the mythology (much the way I was into The X-Files for Mulder and Scully, not the Black Oil). I thought the finale was moving and beautiful, and I literally sobbed when it was over. I know there were some questions left unanswered, but most of the answers are there with a little creative reasoning. This post does just that, hilariously. 

But, it was obvious that the Sideways adventures weren't truly things that happened because Oceanic 815 didn't crash: Helen and Locke were together (she was already dead), Jack had an adolescent son, Hurley always had good luck, Sawyer was a cop(!) and a long-time partner of Miles. The list is long, and the discrepancies from the earlier storylines too many to list. The Sideways universe was obviously *something different*. I didn't guess what that difference was, but I accept it totally.

END SPOILER END SPOILER END SPOILER

Okay, so we were watching TV the other night, and The Hub usually mutes it during commercials. I happened to look up in the middle of a silent commercial, to see women walking/moving/running past unruly small trees... shrubs... bushes, if you will... and as they passed by, the assorted topiaries became trimmed and shaped- in circles, rectangles, and triangles. I sort of figured it was a diet commercial, and the trees were losing weight... How wrong I was...

See for yourself...

seriously.... WTF?

AI Season 9- Finale

So, Lee and Crystal both auditioned in Chicago. I hadn't realized that.

We pan the audience- there's Carrie. and Jordin. omigod- there's TAYLOR!!!

Randy is wearing an astonishing flower print shirt. Ellen is in white on white. Kara is once again in a one-shouldered dress... and... wait for it... sparkles. Simon has a black jacket and a white shirt. Unbuttoned.

Lee and Crystal are dressed like Catholic School kids in red blazers and plaid and knee socks (well, Crystal is wearing knee socks, I don't know about Lee).They're joined by the rest of the Top 12, all in the same uniform- they all look pretty cute, actually. They're singing School's Out For Summer in front, while a chorus of kids enters wearing Alice Cooper makeup. And there he is, Alice Cooper his own self. At the end, rather than a Pointy Pose, Siobhan gives us a peek up her skirt.

We pause for the first of what will surely be many Simon tributes. Wow, he looked so much younger back in Season 1.

Siobhan and Aaron (odd pairing, that) are doing a Bee Gee's duet from the Saturday Night Fever years. They actually sound pretty good. And lookie here- the surviving Brothers Gibb. Whattyaknow- these four sound fantastic together.

We pan the audience, and there's The Hoff, not visibly intoxicated or weeping. Or searching for a hamburger.

Big Mike in a tux and wallet chain (which hangs far below his tux) is doing the Doobies. I am not in the least surprised when Michael McDonald joins him on stage.

Urgh- Dane Cook "singing" Simon's Greatest Insults. Not funny.

The Top 6 Gals take the stage. Lacey is in lots of different leathers. Didi's girls are front and center. Katie's dress is studded. Siobhan is once again dressed like a hooker. Paige has some gawdawful headband thing low on her forehead. Crystal looks like herself, in probably her 3rd costume change of the evening, so far. They're singing Beautiful. So of course Christina Aguilerra comes out, though she doesn't actually sing with the rest. They melt into the wings, while Christina, in a black swimsuit over sparkly tights, takes the stage all by herself.

Ricky Gervais is much funnier than Dane Cook, though not tonight.

We've got Lee paired with Hall and Oats. John Oates just doesn't look right without the pornstache. H&O sound good, but Lee is stinking up the joint. I don't harbor any animosity for the kid, but truly, he doesn't come close to hitting even half of the notes on any given song that he attempts. He can't talk, and a fair portion of the time, he can't sing. How did he make it this far?

Crystal is dressed in saloon girl undergarments over leggings, and omigod, there's Alanis Morisette. There is a lot of strutting, and artful changing of lyrics so as not to sing about oral sex.

Carrie Underwood is out next, and they don't even pretend to have their Most Successful (not to mention Most Beautiful) Idol sing with any of this year's crop. She's wearing a strange little ruffly bolero that appears to have been made entirely of zippers. This song is not a very good showcase for Carrie's amazing voice. Ah, it was co-written by Carrie herself, with help from Kara. That explains it.

aaaawwwww- Lee and Crystal each get a free Ford. And we see a montage of all of this season's Fordmercials, including the vampire one, which was my favorite.

Casey's up now, singing Every Rose Has a Thorn, and if that means what I think it means... Oh my goodness. Please, Brett Michaels, don't die on stage right here in front of us.

More audience panning, focusing briefly on people that I have a nagging suspicion that I should recognize.

Chicago (minus Peter Cetera) is with Lee now. I have always loved If You Leave Me Now, and am thrilled to hear it tonight, even though Lee hasn't hit a single note properly yet.

There's Matt Rogers, the Will Sasso of American Idol.

And more Simon montage/roast/tribute clips, in many of which he feels himself up. There is some sort of cryptic exchange between Simon and Ryan after the montage.

Oho! Did I call it a couple of weeks ago, or what? Lookin' like a foo, witcher pants onna groun'. Lookin' even more like a foo with William Hung on stage.

And now it's Pauler's turn. Did she have a nose j ob, or was her nose always that pointy? She's wearing a pink, strapless, poofy bubble dress, and she's as incoherent as ever. One thing is clear from the montages: Simon's hair has always been awful.

I almost didn't recognize Kelly Clarkson at first. I did recognize Ruben. And Fantasia. and Carrie. And Jordin. And Taylor!! And I think I'll add a few more of those: !!!!!!!, and Kris Allen. All of the American Idol winners except David Cook. Adding to the fun, a parade of other alums, and this is far from an all-inclusive list: David Archuletta. Jason Castro, Diana DeGarmo, Bo Bice, Allison Iraheta, Kimberly Caldwell, Justin Guarini, Constantine Maroulis, Michael Johns, Brooke White, Chris Richardson, and Elliott Yamin. I wish they'd taken time to introduce all of them- each and every one deserves a bit of applause. (P.S. No Clay, no Kimberley Locke, no Adam Lambert).

After the commercial, the black stage is suddenly illuminated by multiple streaks of green laser lights. The Top 12, all in black and many in sparkles, sings... something... and Janet Jackson, fresh from the S&M Renaissance Faire, appears. Her Anna from V hairstyle is... well... interesting. She also has no need to perform with any lowly Idol contestants- she stands front and center, with her Morticia Adams hem arrayed around her, and quietly sings some soft ballad, and then goes behind a curtain to strip down, as backup dancers whose faces are covered with weirdly printed fabric, gyrate. Janet re-enters in a skin-tight catsuit (as if there is any other kind). I've never been a JJ fan, so I'm not quite as impressed as the studio audience, or the judges, though I do appreciate the job her outfit is doing in keeping her breasts properly corralled..

Crystal and Lee sing their final duet, With A Little Help from My Friends, and by damn, if Joe Cocker doesn't show up, sounding fine, and looking goofy in a jacket made from my grandma's curtains. Wow! this is the performance of the evening, as far as I am concerned.

It's three minutes to 9:00pm, and we cut to a commercial, so I suspect that we're going to go overtime. My guess is that Paula rambled beyond her allotment.

So, finally, we're back to the reason for this show, why I've spent 2-3 nights every week, taking notes, for the last four months....

aaaannnndddd......

we get the guy who doesn't hit but 5 notes out of every 10 that he sings (though I'll grant you that the ones he does hit, sound just fine. And his studio recordings also sound fine).  And I know that I've said all along that it'll be better for Crystal not to win, that it's better for her to come in 6th, or 4th, or 2nd than to win and be seen as a failure for staying true to her own not-so-marketable vision... but.... there's no getting around it: I am so so so disappointed. For me. For her. And for this cheesy show that I've loved from the beginning. I can't help but to think that the show, in their yearly misguided effort to stack the deck, allowed the audience to take the easy choice- to vote for the mildly attractive guy with a pleasant voice, whose music will be listenable after the studio gets hold of it (and who is only different from the last two winners in that he is much less polished- oh and he can't sing in tune live), rather than the unconventional, defiant, and without a doubt, vastly more talented woman. It says something that I don't want to know about us.

But you know, and I know, that I'll be back next January, with pen and pad in hand, and hope in my heart, ready to fall in love all over again.

Until then, I return you to your regular programming.

AI Season 9- Finale Performance

Well, here we are, finally, in the big theater. We open with Ryan onstage while the lights come up on the huge audience as a very cool montage of Crystal and Lee plays in the background.

Randy is wearing a doorman jacket (red with a black collar over a clashing red checked shirt), Ellen is in a black jacket. Kara is all boobs, black satin brocade, and side ponytail. Simon is wearing a charcoal pinstripe jacket over a white shirt.

Lee and Crystal enter through the audience. Crystal drops her mike and misses her mark. Lee looks like he's been drugged. Lucky Crystal won the coin toss, and she wisely chose to go second- a good strategic move.

Lee's Mom and Dad interview that they thought he was going to play pro baseball. At least until he picked up a guitar.

Lee, in a black suit jacket, jeans and a white tee, starts the evening with his Repeat Choice- The Boxer, which happens to be one of the two non-Crystal songs I've downloaded this season. Lee looks more relaxed and comfortable onstage than I've ever seen him. He's doing a lovely job with this song, no matter what Randy, Kara, and Simon say.

Crystal's dad says what we all now know: Crystal was born to do this.

I figured that Crystal would sing People Get Ready as her Repeat Choice, since it was arguably her Moment. I'm glad she didn't because Moments can't be choreographed. Instead, she chose Me and Bobby McGee, which is right in her wheelhouse. She's looking good in her *throw on random pieces from the closet* outfit, though these pieces look much more expensive than her former wardrobe. I missed the story on tonight's guitar, but it's obviously well worn, well used, and well loved. And as for the song, Crystal did very well indeed by Janis, and Kris Kristopherson, and herself.

Round 1: Crystal

Producer Simon Fuller selected Everybody Hurts for Lee, and in theory, it should be a perfect song for him. But in practice, he's shouting over the choir, and the arrangement overwhelms him totally. In addition, Lee is back to looking uncomfortable and nervous.

Crystal is wearing an extremely unflattering and ill-fitting black satin chanteuse dress and very high heels. She enters at the top of a staircase and I worry greatly for her on the way down as she sings Black Velvet. Once again, the arrangement overshadows the vocals, but the difference is in Crystal's native talent, and her complete comfort onstage.

Round 2: Crystal

Evidently, they're skipping the Rainbow Unicorns and Puppies Face Obstacles in the Struggle To Find Themselves Coronation Song. I cannot begin to say how pleased I am with this decision.

Unfortunately, Lee is saddled with Beautiful Day, and an arrangement that leaves no room whatsoever for vocals. In fact, I can't understand a single word he's singing, though I can hear that he's missing many many notes. Lee has not been served well tonight, though Ellen is right in that he has grown and changed the most this season. And his voice does sound very good in the studio, which counts for something. I think. And he's marginally cute, which, for better or worse, counts for more.

Crystal is dressed much better this time around, in a belted, one-shouldered black tunic and a heavy rhinestone necklace. She's singing Up To the Mountain as her *not-quite-coronation-ditty*. She's sitting on the Stool of Seriousness, and singing quietly but strongly in the Gospel Mode. This is flat-out beautiful, and Crystal is having a hard time holding back the tears at the finish.

Round 3: Without a doubt, Crystal

Crystal's last couple of weeks have been competent, but less than exciting. Maybe she was saving it all for tonight, when it really really matters. At least I hope it matters. FWIW- I've called on and off for the last 90 minutes, and have only gotten through with 3 votes (and yeah, I know I said I wasn't going to vote... )

We close with a lovely montage of the the season's high and low lights over a live performance of the Exit Song (whose title I never did catch).

And with that, we have one episode left. It's been quite a ride, no?

AI Season 9- Top 3 Elimination

My newspaper today (printed last night) had a small blurb declaring that Casey James did not advance to the finale. I wonder if they know something that we don't.

Hi, Rest of the Top 12. Good to see you all!

Randy is wearing a white tee and his usual beads. Ellen has a cream jacket over a white shirt and a pink, gray and tan striped tie. Kara is wearing a velour, off the shoulder straight jacket.

Ryan sits with the kids on stage. Casey is wearing a blue shirt and his hair is in a bun. Crystal has leggings tucked into cowboy boots, and a black print tee. Lee's in a black suit and tie with a taupe shirt. Ryan questions them all at length, and we have plenty of time to learn that  Lee is not the only inarticulate one.

The Fordmercial exhalts the virtues of graffiti.

We see clips of Casey's home visit first. It took a Google search to learn that there really is a town called Cool, TX. His trip consists of limos and motorcades, and packed high school stadiums, and ladies who are old enough to know better screaming their fool heads off, and autographing puppy dogs. There are very few men in any of the crowds. Casey becomes weepy watching the clips.

Ryan says that Travis Garland is going to sing after the commercial. I know absolutely nothing about this person, but based on his name alone, I'm betting he's a country boy.

Good thing I'm not a gambler. Famous For No Reason That I Can Discern Perez Hilton discovered this Travis fellow. And he's most definitely not country. What he is for certain, I can't tell. But his backup girls wear corsets and not much else, and his backup boys are very limber and like to stomp. I do like the drum cadence though- it reminds me of Paul Simon's The Obvious Child.

Crystal played a teeny little harmonica on the plane to Toledo. Her visit consists of limos and motorcades, and screaming people and autographing chests. She appears to be having a grand time, and it's nice to hear her giggle. She visits her dad's farm, and gets snuggles from her little boy. Whoa- is that a Bowersox Original I hear playing in the background? Yep! I am totally shocked that the show not only allowed her to perform one of her own songs, but that it was played on air. Man, I can't wait for her album. Crystal weeps openly after her clips.

Lee is in Chicago. His visit consists of limos and motorcades and little girls making the sound that only little girls can make as he visits his elementary school, and Wrigley Field. He sings The Boxer, which I liked a lot (and should probably download). After the clips finish, Lee, with moist eyes, does something amazing: he expresses a coherent thought.

Famous For No Reason That I Can Discern Justin Beiber and his Hair Helmet threaten to sing two songs. I leave the sound on long enough to confirm that Justin not only looks like an eleven year old girl, he sounds like one too. His backup dancing consists of lots of hops and leaps, and a little bit of skipping.
___
Small Play Inspired By a Bra Commercial:

Me: Now why would anyone cross the straps on top of their boobs?

Him: Because they can?
___
Okay, here we go. Ryan wastes no time telling Lee that he's in the Finale. Absolutely no one is surprised.

...and.... Woohoo!!

I know it might have seemed like a gimmee, but I wasn't laying bets. I am absolutely thrilled, and more than a little relieved, that Crystal is in the finale.

Casey sounds great on his singout, with a small, beribboned girl sitting on his lap. Does he have a previously unmentioned daughter?

I hope Casey is able to front a really good bar band- I'd go listen to him, especially if I could drink a couple of beers at the same time.

So, next week we see if America wants another WGWG (white guy with guitar), or if they want An Artist They Can Ignore. Either way, how much to you wanna bet they trot out the Pants Onna Ground guy?

AI Season 9- Top 3 Performance

So, the kids are from Elliston, Ohio, Mt. Prospect, Illinois, and Cool (Crewel? Cuell? Kool? Cruel? Cooel?), Texas, eh? Regardless, this. is. alltogethernow. American. Idol.

Randy is once again wearing his argyle sweater with the little felt appliqued elephants. Ellen is wearing a smaller version of Randy's striped sweater, this one in navy and white, Kara seems to have on a toga made from black polished cotton, and she's wearing chandelier drops in her ears. Simon's sweater may also be recycled- it's gray on gray Art Deco stripes.

Casey is up first. He's wearing a gray blazer over a faded print shirt and ratty jeans. The song he chose for himself is Okay, It's All Right With Me. hmmmmm....  it's not so much with the melody on this one. This entire performance is underwhelming- it's certainly not bad, but there is nothing exciting about it either. At least Casey managed to keep his eyes open almost the whole time.

Crystal is up next, and I'm amazed that it took her so long to dip into the Etheridge well. She's wearing a black strappy top over a longer knit dress over gray jeans, and an odd, delicate, gold wire necklace. She's singing Come to My Window, with her guitar and a harmonica. The beginning is odd and restrained, but Crystal warms into it. However, this isn't nearly as good as I wanted it to be, or as she needs it to be. Like Casey, it's not bad by any means, but it feels a little indulgent (and I can't believe I just wrote that). This is probably the closest Crystal has come to karaoke on the show. Unfortunately, this was the wrong night to give that a shot.

Lee is wearing a gray leather jacket which looks to have an asymmetrical opening. Please show: stop letting Lee talk. Instead, let him sing Lynyrd Skynyrd's Simple Man. Lee still only hits about 3 out of every 5 notes, but this is good. It's the best so far tonight, and maybe Lee's best ever. I knew that the judges were going to fall over themselves over this performance, especially after the lacklusterosity of the first two. Ellen has been reduced to Lee Levels of incoherence.

Now it's time for the Judges' Choices. I wondered how they were going to divide 3 songs among 4 judges. Turns out that Randy and Kara teamed up for Casey, selecting D-Bag Extraordinaire John Mayer's Daughters. I'm not sure if Casey is wearing a purple shirt, or if he's just reflecting the lighting. Either way, this is much better than his first song. He's giving a lovely and subdued performance, which unfortunately may not be what Casey needs to stay in the game, a point that Simon makes, putting Kara on the defensive.

Ellen chose Maybe I'm Amazed, by Paul McCartney for Crystal, who sits, instrumentless, on the stairs, wearing tall leather boots, a shirt with keyhole shoulders and print that sort of looks like a corset. Her hair has a sort of tall, lumpy bit at the top, as though the dreds had been stuffed inside each other. Her performance is 1000% better than the first one- nothing half-hearted or tentative going on this time. I'm not sure that Crystal didn't lose the lyrics there toward the end, but I don't think it matters.

Simon decided on Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah (or as it's known in Taylorville: that song from Shrek) for Lee. Simon chose well- this song is perfect for him. Whoa- someone (whether it's Lee, or The Show Itself, I don't know) wants Lee to win- he gets the Mothership Lighting, the Fog Machine, and an entire Choir of backup singers entering slowly and dramatically from behind.What, no bagpipes?

Oh Lee, honey. Sssssshhhh.

Well, I've said from the beginning (or as close to the beginning as I could manage, given that we didn't see her until the Hollywood shows), that as much as I love Crystal (and I think I love her more than any other AI contestant in the history of the show),  I don't want her to win American Idol. I don't think winning will serve her or her career well. And it's a good damn thing that I feel that way, because Lee may just have walked off with the whole shebang.

The best I can hope for is that Casey goes home tomorrow night, and Crystal pulls an Aiken/Daughtry/Lambert/Yamin/Pickler/Covington/Hudson from her second place finish.

AI Season 9-Top 4 Elimination

We go all theatrical with Exorcist music, and B/W shots of the Top 4 with screen credits, plus Jamie Foxx, who is, let's face it, creepy.

Ryan enters from the audience, meeting and greeting excited fans as he tells us that 37 million votes were cast last night, the most so far this season.

Randy is wearing a very girly gray and black striped sweater. Ellen is in a white blazer over blue chambray. Kara is wearing gray with bronze sequins on the lapels, and she arm-wrestles with Simon.

We get to the guest singers right out of the bucket. Fantasia's keyboardist has a beard dred. Fanty herself looks better than ever in a sparkly jacket, very tight spandex pants, and Justin Beiber Bangs. She still sounds the same though, with the same mushy enunciation. Fantasia has been known to go batshit crazy on the AI stage, so this is a very subdued performance. Actually, it's quite pretty.

The Top 4 sit on stage on the Stools of Seriousness as the Fordmercial plays. It's unremarkable except that it gave us Casey in lederhosen.

Ryan reminds us that the Top 3 get extra special home visits, which are always fun, and teary, to watch. We see clips of: Elliott and his Sweet Mama, Carrie, David Archuletta, Ruben, Adam, Kris Allen, David cook, Bo Bice, Fantasia, Danny Gokey, Blake Lewis, Clay and Jordin. And if you're counting, that's all  of the winners except Kelly (who likely did not get and Official Home Visit), and Taylor. sigh. (Edited to add: evidently Taylor was shown after all. Sorry.) The thing is, all 4 of the kids will go home next week. One just gets to stay there.

All of the families are on stage. I am relieved to see that Crystal's boyfriend is wearing regular pants tonight.

Ryan has Mike (gray vest, tight black tee, stupid hat), and Casey (gray plaid shirt cut on the bias, with something painted on the back. Maybe a cross) stand. Mike says that he chose the duet song last night, and for that alone, he deserves to go home.

With little ado, Ryan announces that Casey is safe. Hmmmmmmmm. Mostly I think that means that Mike will be going home, but I'm not going to bet the farm on that.

Daughtry is up next. I was predisposed to think that his carefully sculpted sideburns alongside the artful stubble were the dumbest thing on the stage until, I got a peek at the guitarist's Mohawk. Daughtry still shouts his music, but this isn't bad. He was never a favorite of mine, but I harbor him no ill will.

Oh Ryan. Fat jokes? Really?

Mike gets a long and detailed critique from all of the judges, which makes me nervous and him complacent. Lee (suit jacket, white shirt, loosened tie) gets even more critique, which inspires him to talk, which is never a good thing. Crystal (goofy penguin shirt with a large number of straps) is also analyzed.

Then Ryan says that Lee is going back to Chicago, which fakes me out at first because going home to stay and going home to a triumphant parade both happen in the same place. But Lee is safe.

My my, Jon Bon Jovi is ageing nicely.

Oh my lordy, will they ever stop asking Lee questions? They finally do, now that we're down to the wire, with Crystal taking Mike's arm (whether in support, or out of nerves, I can't tell).

....and..... whew.

Crystal is happy and sad. I'm just happy.

Mike rode the B3 train so many times that, despite his sweet wife's tears, he can't possibly be surprised. The show finally gets the sound right, and this singout sounds great. I assume we'll be hearing Mike on the radio in a few months. Well, not me because I don't listen to the radio if I can help it, but you know what I mean.

AI Season 9- Top 4 Performance

This. Is. A. Dramatic. Head. Turn.

Randy is wearing a cream Izod cardigan. Ellen is in a black wool vest over a white shirt, with a soft gray neck scarf wrapped several times around her neck. Kara is all Office Professional, with good makeup and nary a sparkle.

Tonight's mentor, Jamie Foxx, is a singer in pretty much exactly the way Miley Cyrus is. The clips we hear of his musical prowess appear to be digitally enhanced. Majorly. Jamie sees himself not only as a mentor, but as an artistic arbiter, a designation he honors with specially printed t-shirts.

First up is Lee, who learns as Danny Gokey did last year, that Jamie Foxx has serious issues with personal space. He's singing Kiss from a Rose, which is both predictible and boring, except for those high notes, which are excruciating. However, outside of his usual percentage of bad notes, this is okay.

Note to Ryan: Please stop asking Lee questions.

Mike is wearing yet another too-small black leather jacket. There seems to be some tension between Mike and Jamie- their hug was the guy version of an air-kiss. I didn't catch the title of his song, but I recognize it. It's very gospel-y, and it's smack in the middle of Mike's wheelhouse. As usual, Mike needs to work on his Game Face. I'll bet his grade-school report cards had a lot of  *does not accept constructive criticism* notations.

Note to Simon: Just because the movie was about a whale, does not mean that the damn song is about a whale.

Ooh, duets! Crystal and Lee are singing some song that I don't know, but I can guarantee that I will know it soon because I'm going to download it from iTunes as soon as it's available. They sound fantastic together, and it looks like they're having a lot of fun with this. There is some great 360 degree camera work going on here, swinging all the way around the pair without a using a track.

Casey, wearing a teal leather windbreaker, decides to sing Mrs. Robinson. Now this is is an iconic song, and I love Paul Simon totally and without reserve, but it's laid-back, and Casey is not a laid-back singer. Also, he's playing a mandolin. This is interesting and quiet and subdued, and it's actually quite pretty. And Casey managed to keep his eyes open for almost the entire song. But this is not the night for subtlety. Or for quiet prettiness. And Casey surely knew that someone would pick up on the subtext of the song, which has been hammered into the ground. The hammering continues. Ad nauseum.

Crystal changed her ouftit after the duet. She's now wearing a black dress with open shoulders, sequins on the lapels, and a sort of lace skirt,. My heart sinks when I hear that she's singing the theme song from Caddyshack. But I should not have worried. Crystal's I'm All Right takes a throw-away song and turns it into an anthem. It's not just good, it's perfect. Brava!

Another note to Simon: the movie is about blowing up gophers. Seriously.

Tell me, have you ever, really really really hated a song? I have. But Casey and Mike, both wearing black suit jackets, do as well with this ridiculous song as they possibly can. They harmonize beautifully together, though Casey's voice sort of disappears, leaving Mike to carry the melody. Open your eyes, Casey! I did like their synchronized stomping.

So- no one was *worst* tonight- but I suspect that Casey will hit the road.

AI Season 9- Top 5 Elimination

Yikes, I think Bizarro Ryan is back- he positively chirps the open, bathed in Mothership lighting.

Randy looks like he's losing weight again. He's wearing a DOC-Orange tee and his usual beads. Ellen is wearing a trim black v-neck cardigan over a white shirt. Kara is in a tight and skimpy white tank, and an overly-busy neck adornment. Simon is in a gray/gray cardigan with the sleeves pushed up above his elbows. Ryan is giggling.

Time for the Sinatra Medley. The guys, all in black suits, musically declare that Crystal is a tramp.Crystal, also in a tux and tails, appears to enjoy the lady/tramp combo. They all sound better than they did last night, though that wouldn't be difficult.

Next week, it's Songs From The Movies, and Jamie Foxx is mentoring. I don't remember him doing a very good job of it last time, and I have low expectations for V.02.

I don't recognize the song in the Fordmercial, but it's pretty. So is Crystal, dressed in yellow floral and high hopes.

Next we get a behind-the-scenes look at Tuesdays, American Idol Style. I particularly enjoy seeing the Faux Judges during dress rehearsal.

Ryan begins the Elimination Process by dimming the the lights. He has Lee stand alone at center stage, and then he has Lee talk, which is never a good idea. Then Lee is safe, and perhaps about to throw up.

GAH! Nostril eyeballs!! What the hell are you thinking, Dreamworks?

So, the Lane Bryant lingerie commercial with the gloriously racktastic Big Girl, was formerly thought to be too sexy for FOX, but Lady Gaga, wrapped in mesh and veiling and not much else, surrounded by writhing men wearing orthopedic underwear, is okay? Right. This Alejandro ditty sounds a whole lot like that one Madonna Isla Bonita song. Also like most of Gloria Estefan's music. There is more writhing, and floor rolling (speaking of Madonna), and lots of black branches, and men waltzing with each other, and fog, and drama, though I will admit that Lady Gaga's voice is not unpleasant (as opposed to, say, Miley Cyrus's).

We see more clips of Harry Connick Jr, interacting with the kids occasionally, but mostly he's playing to the camera. I don't know if he's fun, or if he's a total jerk. Probably, he's a little of both.  But he certainly can sing the kind of stuff that he tried to get the kids to do last night. On the other hand, they could have sounded fine if they had sung Sinatra singing The Beatles, too.

Oh for crying out loud Audience- stop waving your arms. This instant! Or I'll ground you.

What's this? Another medley? This time it's HCjr songs, with Himself accompanying them on the piano. This is fairly enjoyable as well. In fact, all of the music tonight is better than anything we heard last night.

The kids are still dressed all in black. I know that I bitch all the time about stupid hats, and Crystal is wearing one, but it doesn't bother me. I don't know if that's because girls look better in hats, or that the hat itself is not quite as stupid as it could be. Or if it's because I cut Crystal a whole lot of slack. Whatever the case, she looks just fine.

Ryan tells Crystal to stand on the stage and start her own group. Oh no, we're doing The Huff on Top 5 Elimination night (rather than the traditional Top 7).

Mike starts his own group. Aaron joins Mike, and I don't like this at all, because that leaves Casey (last night's worst performer) for Crystal.

Ryan asks Lee if he would be willing to indicate in which group he, as the only sure safe one, belongs. Lee declines. Scripted? You decide. Ryan accepts the decision without argument (which makes me come down on the side of scripting), and says that Crystal and Casey are safe.

Side Note: whew

So, it's down to Mike and Aaron, and Aaron gets the boot. He's come a long way, and he seems like a very nice young man, but it's certainly his time to go. He does have a fair amount of talent (at least as much as Justin Beiber, or any of the Jonaii)- I hope we hear something from him in a couple of years, after he takes a few lessons, and gets a little more life experience.

AI Season 9-Top 5 Performance

We pan the glammed kids as Harry Connick Jr. reminds us that This. Is. American. Idol. Good thing, because we may have forgotten, and we only have an hour to do this tonight.

Whoa- is that Anthony Hopkins in the audience? And Rob Reiner?

Randy is wearing a gray, short-sleeved polo shirt with a blue striped collar. Ellen is wearing a black blazer over a white shirt and a soft polka-dot scarf. Kara isn't sparkly tonight, but she does have straight hair and a plunging neckline. Speaking of plunging necklines- Simon, for the sake of all that is good and innocent, button up. Please.

I knew that he was young, but I didn't realize that HCjr was only 22 when he did the sound track to When Harry Met Sally. He still looks fairly young, though scruffy, as he explains who Frank Sinatra was. You know, with the constant whining about the kids being current, I can't imagine why they decided to delve into the total opposite with the Rat Pack songbook. HCjr is taking the hands-on approach to his mentoring duties by bringing his own band members, and playing backup for the performances, which may or may not work well.

Aaron is up first. He's looking very snazzy in a button-down shirt, vest and tie. It seems to me that he might be the only one for whom this music is a natural fit.

But before we get to Aaron, Ryan introduces Nancy and Tina Sinatra, who present a monogrammed hankie to Simon, who seems genuinely touched. Note to Nancy: step away from the collagen.

Aaron is singing Fly Me to the Moon, and I think he's a bit ahead of the music. As usual with Aaron, he hits some sour notes, though on the whole, he hit more good ones. His problem, also as usual, has more to do with his age than anything else. He does look adorable though.

Casey is wearing a lavender button-down shirt, a charcoal vest, and matching tight pants. His hair has been tamed and pulled back. He's singing Blue Skies, and for the first time, he's appearing onstage without a guitar. Unfortunately, this arrangement highlights the flaws in his voice (no depth, no control of the vibrato) and performance ability (without a guitar, he's stiff and unnatural). He's trying hard, but this is not working, and it's not his fault. Casey is very good at playing to his own strengths, but this musical style is totally out of his normal range.

Crystal is wearing a strapless lace Barbie Dress, and her hair is in a tall pouf. Her makeup looks fantastic. I really really wanted her to sing (One for my Baby and) One More For the Road. I thought that would suit her voice and sensibility. Instead she's singing Summer Wind, which doesn't excite me. The band is way too loud, and her beginning is uncharacteristically tentative. But she does warm into it, vamping it up, and putting her own spin on the song. Technically, her voice is just fine, but the song doesn't fit her persona very well, no matter how much she says it means to her. It doesn't surprise me that she gets faint praise from the judges, and while I totally blame the theme, this is my least favorite Crystal performance.

Well, this is the one and only week where a silly hat is okay, and Mike is taking advantage of that, though the hat makes his head look small (or maybe it's just a small hat). He's wearing a snappy black suit and he looks great. He's singing The Way You Look Tonight, which seems like the perfect choice. He begins well, slow and sultry, but soon the arrangement speeds up (this seems to be an HCjr trend). This is half of a really good performance.

Lee, in a black suit jacket and loosened tie, is singing That's Life, which is getting the Ballpark Organ treatment from HCjr. The opening is good, great in fact, but once again, the band ramps up to the Speed of Blah, and Lee is having a hard time keeping up. His phrasing is wonky, and he's chopping his words off oddly. Again, this is half of a really good performance which did not deserve the Judge's tongue bath.

The best tonight: 1/2 of Mike. The worst: all of Casey. Everyone else goes in between.

Maybe next week, they'll let the kids sing The Eagles to make up for this trainwreck.

AI Season 9- Top 6 Elimination

We start in the Control Room- people in the dark, clustered around monitors, clips from last night. 3-2-1-Roll Open.

Randy's in a bright red cardigan and his usual beads. Ellen is wearing a black knit shirt with a white collar. Kara has a baggy black satin top, and long, dangly, blue beaded earrings. Her hair is both slicked back and frizzy at the same time, which is quite a trick.

Rascal Flatts is onstage first. Rascal (or maybe he's Flatt) has very long and pointy boots, and an embroidered and besequined white shirt that has been starched within an inch of its cotton life. The guitar player to his left looks just like him, only with darker hair. The guitar player to his right went to Justin Beiber's stylist. Their song is very Taylor Swifty- light and poppy.

We get a little clip of Fordmercial behind-the-scenes action. The kids are dressed up as vampires, though Siobhan looks pretty much like she always does. The actual commercial is a hoot- with Mike scaring the rest of the Vamps off with a garlic pizza. This is the best Fordmercial since Clay and Ruben played pimps.

Next, the kids all play Voice Over Artists with the Shrek folks. For a show that continually runs overtime, we use up many valuable minutes shilling this movie. I like Shrek, and I'm a grandma, so the chance of me seeing this movie in the theater is pretty high, though I may be the only person on the world who is not enthralled with 3-D animation, especially at eleven bucks a pop.

Finally, we get to the reason for the show: Siobhan is wearing a very short dress with an interestingly constructed light pink satin bodice and a ruched salmon satin skirt. Ryan sends her to the far end of the stage.

Aaron, in a black leather jacket over a print tee, is sent to center stage.

Mike raided Randy's closet for a multi-gray cardigan with black armbands. He stands closest to Ryan.

Lee is in all black, shirt over tee over jeans and boots. He's paired with Siobhan.

Casey has a black western shirt with a cross on the back. He joins Mike.

Crystal has tucked her dreds up in a huge knit hat. She's in denim tonight, and she looks worried when Ryan sends her to stand with Aaron. It worries me too.

And now, after all that jockeying, Ryan pulls Siobhan away from Lee, and marches her to Mike and Casey, and then announces that they're tonight's Bottom 3.

Ryan also announces that Harry Connick Jr. is next week's Mentor, and the theme is the songs of Frank Sinatra. Are they trying to sabotage Crystal?

Carrie Underwood, beautiful as always, in a purple sparkly outfit, introduces the band that opened for her on her tour. The Sons of Sylvia look more like The Cousins of Peter Petrelli- pale, mumbly, and angsty. They sing and play, but I don't understand more than one word in five.

We evidently have hours and hours to waste tonight, because another band takes the stage- this time Lady Antebellum, who it turns out is only 1/3 female. However, that third is quite pretty, with smoky eyes and a floaty top that is all serious and black on the front, and Arizona RV Park on the back.This song is actually quite nice- I like it better than any of the guest performances all season. I may have to look these guys up.

So, it's time to find out who is going home, right? Right?

Nope. Rascall Flatts is backs, this time with a barefoot Shakira in a Stevie Nicks suit, and some barefoot backup belly dancers. There is a whole lotta skirt going on.

And now, finally, it's time for the elimination. Mike, who needs to work on his game face, is safe, which leaves Siobhan and Casey.  My guess is that Siobhan is going home. I thought she did fine last night, but I seem to be the only one. All of the reviewers and most of the fansites panned her performance, and Casey has never been in the Bottom (I don't think).

Yep, it's Siobhan. Though I thought Aaron was headed out, I'm not really surprised that Siobhan is getting the boot. For a year that was supposed to belong to The Girls, Crystal is the last one standing. How long she stands remains to be seen. (And if they follow up Sinatra Week with, oh, say, Don Ho and The Music of Hawaii, it won't be for long).

Note to show: that's lampwork, not glass blowing

AI Season 9- Top 6 Performance

IGB raised $45 million dollars last week, which is nothing short of amazing. Way to go, people who donate via texting and credit card.

Randy is wearing another version of the patchwork v-neck cardigan. This one has brown, blue, white and gray patches. Ellen is in a black windbreaker and a soft gray scarf. Kara is in gray too- a sort of droopy, sleeveless thing. She has a lopsided neck adornment that seems to be made of sequins, rhinestones and cast iron. It looks heavy. And uncomfortable. Simon is wearing a v-neck gray on gray striped sweater, with the stripes going every which way.

Shania is both the mentor and the theme tonight. I don't listen to the radio if I can help it, and though I like some country music, I'm not very familiar with her work. She seems to have written a lot of songs, and to have worn a lot of slinky outfits while performing them. She's quite pretty and she smiles a lot. For her mentoring duties, she wore khaki green capris, a white blazer, and bootie shoes with very high heels. Tonight she has blue sparkles and soft curly hair.

Lee's up first, in a gray blazer, a shirt with an open collar, and a loose tie. He's singing You're Still the One, which I actually do recognize even though it's not the song that says we're still having fun and you're still the one. There are more than a few off-notes, but overall, he's doing a pretty good job. Not great, but pleasantly gravelly.

Mike is wearing a black jacket that fits well, which makes him look smaller, I think. Not small, just more trim. He's singing It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing. I wonder if Shania wrote it during her recent relationship troubles. This is pretty and yet dreary and draggy at the same time. The falsetto at the end was nice. So, Simon, wet=girly, eh?

Casey is in a half-unbuttoned Casey Shirt, and he's playing a pretty, inlaid acoustic guitar. I didn't catch the title of this song, and I don't know it at all, but Casey is doing a really good job with it. It's totally different from his usual Bar Band/Rocker take on every single song. I like this a lot. My friend Lorah mentioned that Casey often sings with his eyes closed, which I had never noticed. I can't stop seeing it now.

Crystal is wearing an interesting strapless dress built from brown hankies and a leather belt. I didn't catch the title of this song either, but it could be No One Needs to Know, since Shania doesn't suffer from Steve Miller's propensity to give songs titles that have nothing to do with the lyrics. This song is the polar opposite of last week's choice- it's peppy and light, a lot of bluegrassy fun. I would listen to Crystal sing anything, and I enjoyed this song too, though it certainly was not her most moving performance. I have a feeling that Crystal is going to be Doolittled- with the judges (and possibly voters) becoming bored by her consistent excellence. I don't necessarily want her to win, but I sure don't want her to go home yet. I may need to vote a few times tonight.

Aaron is in a black denim jacket over a gray checked shirt. He's sitting on the Stool of Seriousness, singing another song that I don't recognize. There are plenty of wonky notes, but he hits the Big Ones okay. Randy  declares that Aaron is the country artist of the bunch. Say what? I think it's Aaron's time to go home, but he could get Tim's leftover votes, so who knows.

Siobhan is wearing a dress made from Grandma's kitchen curtains, white boots, and a Tyrolean back brace. Also a spider necklace. She's singing Any Man of Mine, and I think she's doing a flat-out wonderful job of it (except for the bad notes here and there), but Lorah, Rich, and The Hub, who all listen to more radio than I do, say that this is exactly Shania's version. I expect to hear the K Word from the judges, but they don't listen to the radio either, I guess.

Worst tonight: Aaron, and maybe Mike (though his performance wasn't bad, just damp...)

Best: Lee, Siobhan and Crystal

Who's going home? Ya got me. At this stage, it could be any of them.

AI Season 9- Top 7 Elimination and IGB

I've been staring at the computer screen for awhile now, trying to decide what to do about tonight's recap. I took 8 pages of notes but most of them concern the assorted, exceptionally worthy causes espoused by Idol Gives Back, about which I have no snark to offer. So I'm going to label those portions DSS (for Deadly Serious Shilling), and let it go at that. You can safely assume that there was much heartbreak on display, and we can all hope that some of it will be eased by donations made tonight.

Ryan enters through Red, White and Blue spotlights. The Prez and Mrs. O do a bit of DSS.

Randy, Ellen and Simon are all in black suit jackets. Ellen is also wearing a scarf. Kara is in strapless, silver sparkle. Queen Latifah, holding down the fort in the Pasadena AI Annex, is also in a black suit jacket over a black and irridescent purple sparkly top. On a totally shallow note- she has the most beautiful skin.

The Top 12 are all together again, all wearing white, and singing some song that I think I sort of recognize. They've done something with the sound quality to make everyone sound like they're singing from the 40's, which isn't improving things. I honestly don't know if this is a new song, or an old one that has been rendered totally unrecognizable. Either way, it's not very good.

Jennifer Garner DSSs about Save the Children. Posh is so busy posing that she can barely read the teleprompter to do her DSSing. Cap'n Sully must have been in the audience last night so he could pre-tape his segment. Jonah Hill and Russell Brand do a lame sketch about manning the phone bank.

In Pasadena, the Black Eyed Peas take the stage. Fergie struts in a lizard skin swimsuit, extremely tall boots with built in knee guards, and a good wax job. There's a guy with halved Devo helmets glued to his shoulders, and some backup singers who just came from the Godzilla Vs. The Robots set. As far as I can tell, they're singing that they all wanna wash their hair. I wish they would.

There's only an hour and a half of this stuff left. Sigh.

Ryan DSSs. George Lopez takes the stage and roasts the judges half-heartedly (well, maybe he's doing it with a very full heart, but the laughs are definitely half-staff).

At about 40 minutes into the show, we get the Fordmercial- it's one of those stop-motion things where they freeze water droplets and spilling paint in mid-air, and then circle around it. It's cool to watch.

And finally, some real results. Ryan calls Casey and Crystal to center stage. Casey is in a white leather blazer with black piping. Crystal's dress looks vaguely Greek and Goddessy. It's actually quite pretty.

Casey is in the Bottom 3 (something I sort of predicted last night), and Crystal is safe, not surprising since she won the whole shebang last night.

Aaron has the sleeves of his white windbreaker pushed up past his elbows, and Lee is wearing a silky jacket. Lee is safe while Aaron joins Casey.

And with that, we're back to Pasadena, with Jeff Beck and Joss Stone singing I Put a Spell on You. Joss looks nothing like Anne of Cleves in a very slinky, gray sparkly dress. Jeff Beck is in a white sleeveless shirt with black flames (?). He's wearing an armband that looks like it's made from duct tape. Very tightly wound duct tape.

David Duchovny, Justin Beiber, one of the Jonaii, Chris Rock and either John Mayer, Michael Buble or Josh Groban (they're hard to tell apart) S very DS. The Secretary General of the UN, Morgan Freeman and Randy also DSS.

Alicia Keys enteres in a black satin jumpsuit with peekaboo shoulders and a pleated waist. I don't know this song, but it's flat-out terrible, though whether that's because the song is bad, or because the sound system is making Alicia's voice sound thin, tired, and weak, I can't tell. She segues into another song at the piano, but her voice is equally bad on this one too.

We're back at the phone bank, where celebrity almost-sorta-lookalikes man the phones, though that's really Slash, and there's last year's wackadoo Tatiana, in a cute haircut. And that actually looks like Octomom (I gotta hope there isn't enough call for for an Octolookalike to make a living). and Jim Carrey is there for a nanosecond.

Queen Latifah and Common, who co-stars in some movie with her (so this S isn't quite so unselfish, methinks), introduce Carrie Underwood, who is wearing a gold an black grace Kelly dress. The girl has pipes, though this song isn't the best showcase for The Show's Biggest Success.

More DSSing from Ryan, Ellen, David Arquette, Elliott Yamin, Sister Dominguez, and Bill and Melinda Gates. Ryan warns us that the show is going to go over time, but since they can't bring it in on time on a regular evening, I'm not exactly surprised.

I have never liked Wanda Sykes- her voice makes my ears bleed, and her humor bypasses me entirely, but her riff tonight on what they put the Bootees through is spot on.

What? There's business to take care of tonight too? Well, let's get to it. Siobhan, in a dress that looks normal except for the moth holes, Mike and Tim are up- all in reverse competition for the final B3 spot, which Tim wins (or loses),

I know that people pay big bucks for that artfully tousled look, but David Cook looks like he actually did go to bed with wet hair. Annie Lennox is stuck in the UK, but she sings a simple and beautiful song via satellite. In Hollywood, Mary J. Blige, Orianthi, Randy, and a bunch of other names that I didn't catch, are singing Stairway to Heaven. Blonde Mary is wearing bug glasses, and her shoulders look like they've been armor plated with bits of mirror. Hmm- I always thought you were "climbing" that stairway, not "buying" it. Shows you what I know.

Simon does his part, and we are now 10 minutes over time. Elton John, in a suit with silvery pinstripes and very oddly cut trousers, sings Your Song as a montage of all of the sad and serious and important bits plays on the big screen. Then Simon announces that an astonishing $15 million has been donated so far during the show.

And now at 17 minutes overtime, Ryan mentions that next week's mentor is Shania Twain, and the theme is Shania herself. Then he sends Aaron back to safety (and I try not to notice that something about the cut of 16 year old Aaron's pants is very odd). Tim has his smile at the ready, and Casey looks like he's going to throw up, and...Tim is going home. It's about time.

They hang on long enough to show Tim's montage, but not enough for him to sing, which, given that his looks are what kept him in the running for so long, is sort of apt. And at 24 minutes overtime, IGB ends.

I will say that I had ample opportunity during the show to think about my cars, and my comfortable house, and my full pantry, and my healthy family, and all of the complaining that I do about petty little stuff that doesn't matter at all. Perhaps if I try to do something good for someone every day, I can pay back just a little of my good fortune.

Consorting with the Enemy

It's all Crystal Bowersox's fault.

I finally signed up with iTunes, just so I could get the full studio version of People Get Ready, which isn't available yet (though I did download the rest of her performances).

I hope she's happy.

AI Season 9-Top 7 Performance

We only have an hour tonight. I wonder if that will be enough time for Bizarro Ryan to make an appearance.

Lacy and Didi are in the audience. Randy is wearing a sweater made of big blocks of gray and white. Ellen is in white on white on white (shirt, vest, jacket). Kara still has Pauler Hair. She's wearing a white shirt with silvery sparkle fringey things, under a black vest. Simon is in a charcoal cardigan that has lighter gray sleeves, over his usual white tee.

Pretty pretty Alicia Keys plans to help the kids sing their inspirational songs inspirationally.

Casey is up first. He's in a dark blue blazer that, once again, makes his shoulders look narrow. I think someone got to him with a crimper and a curling iron- his wavy hair is pulled back into a softly curled ponytail. He's singing Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow, which is inspirational in the sense that any bad breakup might inspire people to not think about the bad things they've done. I'm not inspired by this performance. It's not bad, but it's not good either. I think Casey has peaked.

Lee's hair is lighter this week. He's wearing a khaki green shirt with epaulettes, rolled sleeves, and a loosened black tie. He's singing The Boxer, which is also less inspirational than I was expecting (though surprising- outside of Clay singing Bridge Over Troubled Water, I don't think any Garfunkle and/or Simon songs have been performaed on this show). I'm old, and in the kids' (and judges') constant quest to Be Current, they often sing songs with which I am not familiar, so I generally am not aware when they chop up songs to fit the show's time format. That's not the case with this song, so I find it disconcerting hear such a radically different arrangement (not to mention being disappointed when Lee leaves out the part about taking comfort with the Working Girls). That said, this is a brilliant performance. Lee finally had his Moment. If I was an I-Tunes person, I would definitely like to hear the full studio version of this song.

There's Captain Sully in the audience, with a rictus grin on his face, probably wondering what the hell he ever did to deserve having to sit in the AI audience.

Tim is singing Better Days by The GooGoo Dolls, which is a song he could perform in Sanskrit and I wouldn't know better. He's wearing a dark gray henley shirt, and his hair is at the absolute apex of Carol Bradyness. Yikes- his voice has no depth, no beauty, and no tone. This wasn't even good karaoke. I'm hoping his looks have carried him as far as they're can.

So, Aaron is inspired by R. Kelly, which is dispiriting. He's wearing a gray windbreaker with the sleeves rolled about to his armpits. Again. I Believe I Can Fly is almost too big for Aaron- he starts wobbly, with the vibrato front and center, but he threw himself into the big notes and mostly pulled it off. I don't love this, but it's probably his best performance.

Evidently Siobhan was inspired by Miss Kitty. But since Siobhan resides primarily in Non Sequitoria, it's not surprising that her clothes make no sense- she's got feathers in her hair, butterflies on her shoulders (literally- big fake butterflies attached to a vine that snakes up from her waist), sequined appliqued flowers, a phoenix print on her gray dress, and shoes with wide ribbon laces cris-crossing up to her knees. All this to sing When You Believe, by either Mariah, or Whitney. Or both. But the moment she starts singing, I forget all about her clothes, and just listen. This is really really beautiful- pure and controlled and lovely. Big where it needs to be Big, soft where it needs to be Soft. Brava, Little Odd One! Stop Talking, Little Odd One!

While I have no interest in owning an I-Pad, I do like this commercial, with the lovely Gene Wilder song from Willy Wonka. Speaking of Gene Wilder, my friend Alan met him recently. Read all about it.

Mike is finally wearing a jacket that fits him. He takes it off, revealing a black, long-sleeved t-shirt with a slit neck, and plans to sing Hero, which I thought was by Seal, but I can't find any backup on that point. Mike gets the Mothership Lighting for the slow beginning, which I like better than the last half of the song. Simon opines that any song from Spiderman must needs be about Spiderman.

Crystal is instrumentless, in a long, black prom dress with a startlingly plunge-ful neckline. She's singing People Get Ready, which song I know not. She opens a capella, and.... and... oh. my. god. This is, flat out, the best, most amazing, beautiful performance I've ever seen on this show. In any season. I have chills. And tears. And the more Crystal cries, the more I cry..... just.... wow...

Worst of the night: Tim, though Casey might be in danger too.

Best of the night: Siobhan and Lee.

Best in the history of this show: Crystal

AI Season 9- Top 9/8 Elimination

The show spends a few minutes recapping the last two weeks, but I did that already. We'll skip right to the lights, camera, and drama.

Ryan says that over 34 million votes were cast last night. He doesn't, however, say whether the ratings beat America's hatred of Kate Goselin.

Randy is wearing a blue and white version of a sweater that I have right now in my closet. Ellen is in a white and black striped, long-sleeved polo shirt. Kara has a messy ponytail, and is wearing a strange black jacket with wide ruffles and lapels. Simon is wearing a fuzzy-ish charcoal sweater.

The group-sing is an Elvis medley comprised of the songs that I hate the most. This group has the absolute worst lip-synchers. Katie is doing something sort of Elvis-ish with her legs that she must never, ever do again. There is some seriously bad camera work going on- shots of empty stages and rushing feet.

The Fordmercial is all neutral, hybrid and Green. It's also boring.

Ryan focuses on the bleachers. Mike already has the bitchface as Ryan calls Casey, Aaron, and Andrew to center stage.

Casey, in a shiny gray shirt, has loose hair that may have been straightened. It also looks longer, though I assume he isn't sporting a weave. (and if he is, Kate Goselin's hairdresser needs to talk to him)

Aaron is in tan checks and epaulets.

Andrew has a black and green plaid shirt with a matching bow tie (meaning that the bow tie is made from the same fabric as the shirt) (seriously).

Wow, they're not wasting time tonight- Casey and Aaron are safe, and suddenly, Andrew is going home. Andrew is a classic case of unfulfillled potential, though not quite of Sundance Head proportion. Most of his performances were rightly judged against that amazing Hollywood Week bit. While it's important to do well in Hollywood, it's really best not to peak there. His good-bye performance isn't outright awful, but all of his vocal problems (weak voice, poor tone, inability to hold a note) are front and center. I will give him this- he's far more gracious than Mike was last week (or this week, for that matter).

Next week is Idol Gives Back. It's a nice idea, and they do raise a lot of money for some very good causes. But the show itself never quite works, and I don't expect this year's version to be any different.Lots of Big Names will be on next week, and it'll probably be a 2 hour show that will only feel like 6 or 8. We spend a bit of time with Elliott Yamin and Kara in Africa. Kara looks sweaty and natural (as in: no makeup), and she looks more human than usual.

Brooke White and Justin Gaston (who?) are performing now. Brooke is sitting at the piano, and Justin is playing a guitar. They sing Tell Me Why together, and their voices blend very nicely. Brooke looks good (and not at all like she's going to fall apart, which is nice), in a black cutaway over a slightly different shade of tight black jeans, and some very high heels. Justin is in black on black, and silly patent leather knee boots.

They yak for a moment, and then Ryan calls the bottom row to center stage: Tim, Crystal, Mike, Katie, Siobhan and Lee.

Lee shouldn't talk. At all. Siobhan is wearing a Siobhan Suit. Katie is in a one-shouldered, one-sleeved top, and almost no makeup. Mike has on a teeny little hat (I do hate stupid little hats)(also stupid big ones). Crystal is in gray and black, with several necklaces. Tim is in a brown linen hacket. And a smile.

Crystal is safe. And surprised. And kissing what I assume is a lucky necklace.
Siobhan is also safe, and very relieved.
Ryan jerks Lee around, but he's safe too.

Ryan takes a moment to announce that next week's theme is Inspirational Songs, and the mentor is Alicia Keys, and then he points out that Tim, Mike and Katie are left on stage, before introducing Adam Lambert.

Adam opens What Do You Want From Me in Beam Me Up Laser Lighting and green swirling fog. Through the murk, I can see that he's wearing a shiny, pearl encrusted jacket and more eyeshadow and mascara than any random Olsen Twin. That said, his getup is a great deal more subdued than many of his other outfits. This is a nice song. I hope Siobhan is taking notes on how, where, and when to use The Glory Scream. Once the lights come up, we can see his bedazzled ear piece.

Tim's smile (and those shirtless pics) save him again. And in a rare moment of candor, Ryan admits that one of the remaining two (Mike and Katie) isn't even in The Bottom 3. It's odd for the show to allow such a naked glimpse into its machinations.

Then just like that, Katie is going home. Katie is, of course, devasted. So are Crystal and Siobhan.

Katie has a very good instrument. I just wish she'd given herself a couple of years before trying out, I think she would have gone further. And I have to wonder- if the Judges hadn't saved Mike last week, would they have rescued Katie? I guess we'll never know.

AI Season 9-Top 8/9 Performance

So, we're reaping the harvest of last week's Judge's Save- tomorrow, 2 of the kids go home. Ryan milks that drama for as much as it's worth as he descends the stairs.

And tonight's theme is Elvis, huh? I know it's almost unAmerican, but I have never been an Elvis fan. I acknowledge the contribution he made to music, without ever wanting to hear a single song from him (except maybe Good Luck Charm, and with that one, it's mostly the smooth rhythm that I like). However, the combo of Elvis and Adam Lambert should be interesting, at least.

Adam has dressed conservatively- he's looking very Young Kurt Russell, if Kurt Russell had favored eye liner and really tall hair back in the day.

We only have 90 minutes tonight, so we jump right into the performances with Crystal, who is wearing wildly patterned pants, a vest, cool necklaces, and fewer dreds than usual. She's singing Saved, and putting a wonderful gospel tinge on it, with a sqeuined guitar. As always, she is absolutely amazing.

We finally get our first glimpse of the judges. At first, I thought Randy's sweater had Tribbles appliqued to it, but on second viewing, I see that they're fuzzy smiley faces (which makes even less sense). The neckband of his sweater reads Frankie Morello in script. Ellen's wardrobe is sort of like Simon's- different but the same, always in shades of white, black, and gray. Kara's dress is also very Kara- oddly constructed (this one has a weird slanting neckline that goes from one shoulder to the opposite armpit, though it has two sleeves), oddly colored (sort of camoflauge), and sparkly. Her hair, on the other hand, is pure Paula- curly, and messy, and in her eyes. Simon's sweater is so Simon that it doesn't bear description.

Andrew is wearing a black jacket with a weird pocket chain, over jeans. He's singing Hound Dog, which may be the most predictable song in the Elvis catalog. That said, I really like this cha cha cha arrangement. Andrew's voice isn't up to the task, but his performance is better than I expected, and better than this tired old song deserves.

Awwww- there's Ryan and his mama.

And there's Tim and his 1976 hair. I've seen some online pics of  a shirtless Tim, which look pretty good, if that sort of thing appeals to you, (and honestly, it doesn't appeal to me). It doesn't seem to matter that Tim looks better than he sounds- or rather, it matters a great deal, since he's still in the competition. He's singing I Can't Help Falling In Love, sitting on the Stool of Seriousness, strumming an acoustic guitar. This is very soft, and he's barely in the neighborhood of the melody, but there are some pretty notes here and there. WTF? Is Ryan dancing with some guy from the audience? Can't be.

Lee is up next, singing A Little less Conversation, a song memorably desecrated by Jon Peter Lewis (who I liked back in his season, though I can't remember why- it's not like he could actually sing). I don't love Lee, but week by week, he's growing on me. The growl in his voice is appealing, and he's doing a good job with this song, in his banded leather jacket.

Aaron predicts that his Blue Suede Shoes will be wrong in every possible way. And by cracky, he's right. He's John Stevens/Kevin Covaising this song with every inch of his being. However, I never, ever want to see those 16 year old hips gyrate again.

Wouldn't it be amazing if the proximity of Siobhan to Adam Lambert created a critical mass that exploded Awsome all over the stage? It could happen, you know. Siobhan is dressed sedately for Siobhan. By which I mean that her outfit #1 looks like and outfit and not pieces randomly chosen, and #2 is all the same color. She's all in white, though the skirt and jacket have odd cutouts at the waist and shoulders (The Hub says that's so her wings can sprout), strappy boots, and a bit of sparkle. Her hair is tall, and red with white at the temples. I didn't write down the title of her song, so I don't know if it wasn't familiar to me, or if I just spaced it out, but she sounds very good. Her voice is well suited to it, though I could really, and I mean really, do without the screaming.

I just realized that the Glee folks are sitting behind the judges. You'd think that Glee would be right up my alley, but it doesn't interest me in the least.

Wow, Ryan is being overtly  mean to Brian Dunkleman. I wonder what brought that on. If he was going to get snippy about someone, I'd expect him to focus on Joel McHale.

Mike is singing In the Ghetto, which is perhaps the Elvis song that I loathe the most (though Taylor Hicks sang it in his season, and I grudgingly approved). He's doing  a soft and subdued, and I can't believe I'm going to say this- pretty version of this song. Mike just proved that he is worthy of the Judge's Save.

Katie is wearing a floaty blue top, leggings, stiletto boots, and many, many chains and assorted bits of metal. Working with Adam was good for Katie- she's sassy and assertive, and connecting with this song better than I've seen her in any performance. Brava, little robotic one!

Casey is up last- he has Sawyer hair tonight, and though I don't know this song, he's doing a very Casey job with it. It's no better, and no worse, than that.

Best tonight: Crystal and Mike.

Worst: Tim and Aaron, and though he did as well as could be expected, Andrew. But since 2 are going home tomorrow, all bets are off. It could be anyone.

AI Season 9-Top 9 Elimination

Did you know that in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make? Also, all you need is love to take a sad song and make it better? Ryan gets the mothership lighting, and promises surprises tonight. Strike that- he promises shocks. Hmmmm....

Randy and Ellen are in basic black, and Kara, with hair that is an odd combo of pouf and curl, is wearing a weird maroon turtleneck dress with a wide keyhole opening on the chest, and odd horizontal slits in the sleeves.

Lee opens alone for the group sing, and massacres Here, There and Everywhere. He hands the baton to Aaron, who continues the bludgeoning. The rest of the guys, all in black, are joined by the girls who are wearing black and white Mod dresses and white go-go boots. They sing a medley of Beatles songs, and end with a Reach for Your Love pose. I was fairly entertained, but that could be because I was around when all this music really was current, rather than classic (yes, I am that old).

In the Fordmercial, the kids kaleidoscope around in circles, they fly high like a bird up in the sky. While the video plays, the girls change out of their dresses, and when we come back, they're all arranged on their little bleachers.

Ryan has Siobhan stand- she's wearing cute and clunky bracelets, and white jeans with something large either painted or appliqued on the leg. Ryan sends Siobhan to center stage. Crystal, in a black Empire tunic with lacy cap sleeves, joins Siobhan. Katie, in a t-shirt embalzoned with Beatles' lyrics, follows.

Okay, so if this is the shocker, then Crystal has to be in the bottom three, because neither of the other two would be even mildly surprising. But nope- they're all safe.

Guest Singer #1 is Kara's protoge, Jason Somethingorother. He saunters through gauntlet lighting, wearing a stupid hat, and a leather jacket with pigeon-proof shoulders. I coulda sworn that we already voted Todrick off.  I don't know about you, but I'm tired of writhing backup dancers in skin-tight outfits. (Remember what I said about being old? It goes double here.)

Guest #2 is David Archuletta, singing Imagine, which he absolutely killed in his season. He's grown in the interim, but in an oddly dispropritionate way, as though his head is several sizes larger, but the rest of him stayed the same. I don't care for David's Marc Anthony hairdo (the Roman one, not the father of JLo's progeny). He's singing very softly at the piano (either that, or the sound is bad. Again). Afterwards, David banters with Ryan, and it's comforting to know that he's the same amount of inarticulate as before.

Ryan divides the guys into two groups:
Lee/Casey/Tim and Mike/Aaron,/Andrew. Lee looks like he's going to throw up.

Then almost immediately, Ryan sends Lee, Casey and Tim back to the girls. The Hub and I look at each other, and say at the same time: Mike (because neither Aaron, nor Andrew would be any kind of shock).

Ooooh- lookie... the scowl on Mike's face is hilarious. That is one seriously displeased guy.

Guest #3 is Rhianna, who just lost Fug Madness 2010 to Amber Rose. She's shooting for a win in '11 in a patent leather yeast incubation unit with alien shoulders. Evidently being a rock star consists of stomping around, bending over in pain, and playing air guitar while holding a real one. Whoda thunk?

Mike is still sporting a major bitchface as Ryan says that 132 million votes were cast (I didn't add to the total- I'm done voting for the season. I'll let Crystal land wherever she lands, without my help). I have no idea whether he can't pretend to be gracious, or just refuses to try, but Mike's expression is really off-putting. His smile may be irresistible, but this face most certainly is not.

Are we psychic or what?* Andrew is safe, and Mike has to sing for his life. He sounds great, but he still has the Murder Face, and his wife looks totally devastated. The Hub and I assure each other that the judges won't save him. But in the true shocker of the night, Simon says that the decision is unanimous- they're going to use The Save and keep him around another week.

So... next week we lose 2 kids... Things just got really interesting.

*Obviously not...

AI Season 9- Top 9 Performance

We open in the control room, with Ryan pointing out multiple screens showing views of the kids, the judges, and the audience. They're. Running. Out. Of. Ideas.

Randy's wearing a letter sweater. Literally. (R). Kara is once again, extremely sparkly. Ellen is in a gray pin-striped vest over a blue and orange checked shirt (this is the most color she's worn since joining the show). Simon forgot to put a shirt on over his tee.

It's nice of The Show to provide a montage of those Lennon and McCartney guys, because otherwise, we'd never know who they were. I guess they wrote some songs back in the dinosaur days, or something. Kara explains why their music was so good ("it was relevant"), which is also helpful. I sure hope someone sings When I'm Sixty-Four, or Maxwell's Silver Hammer.

Aaron is up first, singing Long and Winding Road. He's wearing a dark, double breasted jacket over a checked shirt, with the sleeves rolled up clear past his elbows. His hair is quite a bit darker than it was last week (evidence of the stylists). Well... this is awfully slow and deliberate, with lots of weak and wavery notes, and yet there are also some lovely bits here and there. Is there a sound glitch? Why have Aaron talk into a hand mike?

Katie also has darker hair. She's wearing a very cute, short, pink dress with an open back. In fact, she looks like a pretty young girl tonight, which is unusual. She's singing Let It Be, which has trainwreck potential, but is actually pretty good. In fact, it's the best I've heard from her. She still has no connection with the song, or the audience, but it was a good peformance.

Andrew's hair is so dark, it has purple tints. He also may be supporting his pompadour with a Bump-it. He's wearing a yellow shirt and a suit jacket. His stance is very Elvis. So is his performance of Can't Buy Me Love. Vegas Elvis. This is odd,and I don't love it.

Omigod, did Mike really say that he and his brothers formed a singing group called the Lynche Mob? Tonight, he's wearing a very Sgt. Pepper style, gray  jacket, and singing Eleanor Rigby, which could be interesting. Well... I have no idea what to think of this. It's not at all what I was expecting. It's choppy and unusual, sort of peppy, and... wow... I still don't know what to think of it.

Crystal is wearing an off-the-shoulder black top over a gray strappy thing, holey jeans, and cowboy boots. She's going to sing Come Together, and I am worried that she won't pull it off. It opens with an older black musician playing a didgeridoo, and takes off from there. The whole thing is bluesy and wonderful. Lesson learned. I will never doubt Crystal again.

And Poor Pretty Tim has to follow her with All My Lovin', in his tan linen pinstripe jacket and coral henley and Carol Brady hair. He sucked the life clean out of the song. Bleh.

Casey looks permed, and his white jacket with the black piping makes his shoulders look narrow. He's singing Jealous Guy (which I think is just Lennon, not L/M), accompanied only by his accoustic guitar and a cello. This is a quiet and heartfelt performance, his best ever, and one of the best of the night, and his guitar playing is beautiful.

Siobhan is dressed like a demented shepherdess in a floor-length transparent ruffled lace dress, white boots, and a high-collared leather vest. She has lots of soft curls and extremely glossy lips, and three little  sparklettes glued in an arc next to one eye. She's singing Across the Universe, while sitting knees-up on The Stool of Seriousness. It's a soft and quiet performance. Almost too slow. Sleepy even. But there were a couple of achingly beautiful notes. Simon is right- we never know what to expect from Siobhan.

Note to show: Do not let assholes from the audience up on the stage. Ever.

I haven't mentioned that each of the finalists has described each of the other finalists in their intros tonight because all of the comments have been predictible, and fairly boring (Tim has shiny teeth, Aaron is tiny, Mike is goofy, Crystal is the coolest person in the universe, Casey is handsome, and Siobhan is weird in a good way)... until they get to the comments about Lee, when Katie finally turns into a real human girl by suggesting that Lee and Andrew may be dating. And Crystal, in what could be the smartest, meanest, funniest, most honest thing ever said on this show, says that Lee and Andrew should get together and have little Danny Gokey babies. I nearly choked.

Andrew's soulmate Lee closes the show, in a gray jacket and accoustic guitar, with Hey Jude. The vocals are weak, and it's just plain awful. And a bagpipe? Seriously? Where the didgeridoo was integral to Crystal's performance, this is a stunt. A deeply ill-considered one, though only Simon agrees with me.

Best tonight: Casey, Crystal, and in different ways, Siohban and Katie

Worst tonight: everyone else, but especially Lee, Andrew, and Tim.

Going home? Maybe, finally, Tim

AI Season 9-Top 10 Elimination

 AI is associating itself with Clash of the Titans. And by associating, I mean selling itself to the highest bidder. However, AI in 3D is an interesting notion. Imagine Simon in your living room. Or maybe not.

Randy is in a blue sweater with a dove on the breast. Ellen is in a pinstriped jacket over plaid. Kara is in silver-gray and pearls. Simon is Simon.

Hey! It's Ruben! I liked Clay best, but I always had a soft spot for Ruben (who is touring with Clay this summer, including a performance at Biltmore House in July). Ruben is wearing a loose gray suit and has carefully sculpted stubble. He seems to have lost a lot of weight. He's singing a lively song. which has lots and lots of words, and he looks like he's enjoying himself. Afterwards, Ryan calls Mike to the stage for a comparison of Lovable Big Black Men. Ruben is taller, but Mike has the guns. Mike also has a stupid ponytail that seems to be attached to his cap.

They're doing Kung Fu Fighting for the Fordmercial. Casey is in street clothes, ignoring everyone else as they leap and kick around him in their jammies. It's actually quite amusing, though that may have as much to do with the song, as the performance or the choreography.

Ah, Mike's pastel purple hair is glued to the back of his head, which is even dumber than having it sewn to his hat.

So, to the purpose of the show: Lee stands first. It seems like all of this season's guys favor leather, which is fine. But they all also seem to prefer jackets that are a size or three too small, which looks hot and uncomfortable. In any case, Lee is safe, as well he should be.

Casey is in a gray plaid shirt with rolled sleeves. As far as I can tell, Casey isn't an artist. I haven't seen or heard a single original thing from him, though I think he'd lead a kick-ass bar band. And he's sticking around for awhile longer.

Aaron is in blue plaid with rolled sleeves (plaid is the other Theme this year, I guess). Aaron admits that he hasn't been in love which is not exactly a surprise. Randy sort of picks up the ball that Simon, Ryan, and Kara fumbled. Ellen wisely stays out of it. Aaron is also safe.

Siobhan and Katie stand next. Siobhan's hair is mussed, and not in an *I did this on purpose* way. She's still wearing last night's muklucks, and last night's mood. Katie is in a strappy, flowered, ill-fitting dress, knee boots, and a Farrah Flip. Siobhan is falling apart and Katie is in the Bottom 3.

What the hell is up with Ryan? Did he have a charmectomy? His constant needling of Simon is wearisome, and it's pissing Simon off. Much of their banter appears to be scripted, but this feels uncomfortably real.

So, next week is Lennon and McCartney. That ought to be interesting.

That's Justin Beiber, eh? Good grief. He's barely out of the womb, and yet he claims that Usher shaped him as an artist. The only thing shaped (or artistic) about this kid is his pixie haircut. He hasn't even hit puberty yet.

Now Usher is on stage. He can move, I'll give him that. The singing? Well, not so much. Writhing girls? Crotch grabbing? Inappropriate mimed humping (not that there is such a thing as appropriate mimed humping)? You got it. In abundance.

GAH! Hammer Pants! My eyes!

Solemn Didi, in a red blouson top with split sleeves, tight jeans and very long legs, stands next. Didi has a hard time articulating her thoughts and finishing her sentences. To absolutely no one's surprise, least of all Didi's, she's in the Bottom 3.

Mike wisely got rid of the surplus hair. And Ryan, that scamp, faked me out totally. I actually thought that Mike was in danger for a minute.

Crystal, dreds tucked up in a floppy knit hat, wearing a black overdress and boots, is safe. I am worried about Crystal- not that she's in danger of being voted out, but that she's in danger of winning the whole thing. I love her absolutely and completely, and I think she's miles ahead of all of the others, and I think she's a genuine artist. Which means that winning would be the worst thing that could happen to her- imagine Crystal having to sing the puppies/rainbows/unicorns crap they force on the winners... Top 3, that's where I want her to land. High enough to get plenty of exposure and a contract with an indie producer, but not not so high that she's DioGuardiaed into perceived failure because her music isn't being played on pop radio.( See: Hicks, Taylor).

Tim and Andrew are left. Tim has an excellent attitude, even while explaining to a very dense Kara, that he's enjoying the AI experience even if he doesn't win. Which is good, since he's B3.

Ryan almost immediately narrows it to B2 by sending Katie back. Katie's programming doesn't allow her to pretend to be anything but delighted.

I'm confused. Is this a group called Didi Dirty Money? Some guy is standing on the staircase, bathed in intensely bright light, with a couple more writhing females. Oh. It's Diddy. Singing a song called, Dirty Money, I assume. We see even more hot chicks making imappropriate moves and gestures. Lucky us. And strobe lights too. Diddy must have gone all the way to the 1969 Snohomish High School Girl's Club Semi-Formal Tolo Dance for them.

This stuff just reminds me that I'm an old person now. Get off my musical lawn, you kids. Before I call the cops.

So, Didi is going home. There is absolutely no chance that the deus will ex their machina for her, but it's nice that she's singing Rhiannon tonight, instead of anything else she has sung lately. It's better than last night's performance, though not by much.

The show goes into ovdedrtime reminding us that Didi spent much of her AI journey in tears. I hope she'll be happier on the tour.