Tuesday, January 27, 2009

AI- Jacksonville Auditions

We open with Simon and Ryan flirting in a limo. I wish they’d just get married already. We visit 1980’s Journey, with Randy sporting a hair-do that I believe was called a High Top Fade, and quite possibly, eyeliner. His ’09 head treatment is better, but the orange/purple shirt isn’t much of an improvement. Speaking of purple, Kara and Paula are wearing complimentary shades as well. Paula seems to have passed the Extraneous Boobage Position to Kara.

Joshua Ulloa should have known better than to compare himself to Justin Guarini, who ranks further down on the AI Affection Scale than Taylor. He carries on the new tradition of the first auditioner being mediocre at best, not that the judges agree with me on that point.

Simon genuinely likes puppy dogs, and he lights up adorably when Shannon Wilbur trots fluffball Sasha into the room. Her voice is Latter Britney, and the judges are smoking something that affects their hearing because they put her through too. (edited to add on Wednesday morning: I wrote Sharon in my notes, and then decided that there are no young Sharons these days, and figured I must have meant Shannon. But I just read the TWoP recap, and her name is, indeed, Sharon).

Whoops, here’s a little Paula on Kara action, during which Kara’s Extraneous Boobage nearly becomes Unfettered.

Dana Moreno is wearing a very tight, short red dress, and a very silly hat, and has a very bad voice.

Keneswa Finne has a great smile and an extremely supportive Mom. I am hopeful when she announces her intention to sing Anita Baker (Rapture is one of my favorite albums of all time). Unfortunately, her mother has done Keneswa no favors in encouraging her AI aspirations, but Keneswa takes the blow well.

Julisa Veloz is Miss Florida Latina USA. She is wearing a purple satin dress with a yellow and black plaid plastic belt, which is only marginally less annoying than her laugh. Which is only marginally more horrible than her voice. But Paula’s staged snit fit distracts the other judges and they put her through too. Are we watching Bizarro AI?

Commerical Break: It is quite possible that Queen Latifah is the most beautiful human being in the world.

My goodness, there are a lot of young men with Zac Ephron hair. Don’t they know that boys wore that style when I was in high school? In 1968.

Soft hearted Darren Darnell is upset that his friend Devin Cates (previously spotted under a quilt with his Mom. At least I think she was his mom), didn't make it. His lack of stamina is obvious, and Kara tries to let him down gently.

The last auditioner of Day 1, Amy Seitz, compares herself to Mariah Carey, and has to go to the bathroom. Real bad. Instead of singing Mariah, she chooses Lovin’ You, and as with all those who attempt The Ripperton, she fails badly. The judges are punchy from the long day and so they treat her a little more roughly than necessary, but seriously, didn’t anyone ever tell Amy that her voice makes ears bleed? How can that be news to her?

Day 2 dawns, with Paula in a side ponytail, and Kara’s boobs once again front and center.

Jasmine Murray has the kind of voice that AI loves. Me? Not so much.

George Ramirez looks like a mountain man, albeit a very clean one. And he’s a Physics Major (I took Physics in high school. I loved the teacher, but didn't learn much). Simon asks him what his wildest dreams are, and George has one right there in front of us. It's rather uncomfortable to watch. He sings very much like a Mountain Man Physics Major.

Pretty and understated Ann Marie Boscovich has a speaking voice that I find very soothing. The judges send her out in search of a personality.

Return auditioner T.K. Hash gives Imagine the Carey Treatment, which should be illegal. The judges add him to the Hollywood Fodder.

Fragile, weepy Michael Perrelli, sporting a Brett Michaels bandana and an unnatural attachment to his guitar, actually has an interesting voice. But he’s absolutely and totally wrong for AI, and absolutely and totally unable to deal with that fact.

Anne Marie returns, slightly spiffed, lightly made-up, and trying to be perky (and managing it without being grating. Even Lou Grant would like her). She sings her song plainly and well, with a clear and lovely voice. How refreshing to hear someone just sing the melody. I hope she goes far.

So, tomorrow night we go to Salt Lake City, where there are Osmonds, and Mormons, and a Sort of Goth Girl. I wonder if we’ll see Jon Peter Lewis.


LizzieHelen said...

Dana actually started off well--better than most--but her high notes were awful. Julisa came off as very annoying but actually sounded good. Her laugh was much less annoying than that of the girl who wore the floaty-skirt-edge thing.

Kathleen Taylor said...

You're right about the laughs- the earlier one was much worse. And she's going to Hollywood too, though I expect her to be cut almost instantly.

There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to who gets through and who doesn't this year. I think they're going for the drama.

Anonymous said...

I actually really like T.K. Hash's voice! One of the best for sure. Wrong song choice, but the kid's got some serious chops! Hope to see him sing songs that showcase his full potential.