AI- Kansas City Auditions

Here we are in Kansas City. Ryan is standing in front of Jamie Lynn Spears, and Paula is wearing a very pretty little green baby-doll dress.

We open with Chelsea Marquardt, who is sporting a really unfortunate strapless bubble top. But no matter how unfortunate the top is, it’s not as unfortunate as her voice.

Ashley Anderson sucks up to both Simon and Kara, and she’s okay enough to earn her way to Hollywood. Her footsteps/footprints recovery is a hoot.

Really? An American Idol commercial ON American Idol?

KC Carlson is wearing a foofy little dress and funky cowboy boots, and while her singing style isn’t my cuppa, she’s good.

Yep, that’s what AI needs- an accordionist.

My notes say that the next fellow’s name is Brian Hitler, but I feel certain that I mis-heard, or mis-wrote. Doesn’t matter- his Elvis Channeling Aretha is awful, and he should seriously consider a turtleneck.

Oh my- that girl totally, and I mean totally, lost her shit.

And here’s a quadruple serving of wretched with James, Billy, Chris and Deandre.

Von Smith and his stupid hat are both trying too hard. I really didn’t expect the judges to put him through. He won’t last long in Hollywood.

Hey, there’s Jason Castro and his gorgeous eyes, and his dreds (which may not have been washed since the last time we saw him). His younger brother has even worse hair, an equally… ummm…spacey… air about him, and he only started singing 20 days ago, so he has to be horrible, right? Wrong. I am extremely surprised to find myself enjoying Michael Castro’s performance. Uh-oh. I’m in trouble.

Vaughn English’s mustard suit and mustard shoes and mustard hair are all very mustardy, and none of them are interesting enough to get him through.

Big, bald Welder Matt has a cute kid and seems to be married to Brooke White. He has potential.

Jasmine Joseph, with bi-colored hair and crazy eyes and another stupid hat, is positively frightening.

Jessica Paige Furney has the most adorable Grandma ever, and an amazing voice. I love love love her!

Sisters big and small, India and Asia, are terrible rappers, but India can sing, and Asia is more than gracious about it.

Gemar Rogers’ lizard-ridge hair is vaguely Sleestakian. He’s trying way too hard, but there is a voice in there somewhere.

Danny Gokey might have made me cry cynical tears, what with his recently dead wife and all. But he gained my respect by not mentioning that fact to the judges (and you know that Paula would have cried real tears if she had known). And for the third time tonight, I am smitten. Gotta be a new record.

Oh, last year’s Climb the Frosty Mountain boy has a twin sister. That’s too bad.

And here’s Anoup Desai. For a record breaking fourth time in a single show, I am blown away! Wow!

I am also impressed with Andrew Lang’s cheerleader friends, but not so impressed with his voice.

Anwar Robinson 2.0, in the person of middle school band teacher Asa Barnes, had some good moments. Not enough of them for me, but the judges liked him.

Okay, this one is difficult- it was so wrong of the producers to string Michael Nicewonder on. Worse than wrong- it was mean and nasty. I am embarrassed for him. For the show. And for myself for not changing the channel.

On the other hand, it would have been perfectly okay for them to shoot Dennis Brigham down. Why in the world didn’t they do it?

I think Mia Conley made the donkey explode.

So we finish, with Lil Rounds. And for a flat-out amazing 5th time, I am enchanted. She is not just good. She’s Good. I did catch a whiff of Less Than thrilled from her husband though. It bears watching.

So, did Zac Ephron try out? I could swear I saw him with a golden ticket in the final montage. I guess we’ll have to wait for Hollywood to find out.