We open with Drama, flickering movie reels, recaps and clips. It's America's Choice. What did you do, America?
Randy is wearing something black and Randy-like. Steven Tyler is dressed like an almost normal human tonight. Not a normal human who is 109 years old, but still, it's a step forward. JLo has very red lips and a braided ponytail. Her gold dress tonight has fringey hip enhancements.
Ryan says there were 53 million votes, which is not a record, though I suppose he hopes we won't realize that.
Scotty and Lauren sing a Lady Antebellum duet (not the one about drunk dialing, which would have been funny, if wildly inappropriate). Scotty is wearing a fringed, suede jacket, and for the first time, he sounds wobbly and off-key. Lauren is in an off-the-shoulder ruffled yellow dress, and she sounds fine.
This week's Fordmercial had a very complicated shoot- so complicated that it earned its own photo shoot of the kids being made up as zombies. They look pretty good and... what the hell? Black screen? We lost the Fox feed. The Hub flips up and down the channels, and all of the others have both video and audio. We flip back to Fox, which is still back.
I drum my fingers on the side table and say a few bad words, and watch the clock. The feed comes back just in time to see that we missed a duet by Casey and Haley, which the judges really liked. Dammit.
Ryan calls Casey (whose hair looks better tonight- less sculpted), Haley (whose hair has 20's finger waves), Scotty, and Lauren down. Scotty is safe. Lauren is safe. Casey is safe. Which means that Haley is, once again, in the Bottom 3.
Did Rob Reiner direct Rio or something? Why is he here? And why is he making tired, terrible jokes to the kids? I'll never know because the Fox feed cuts out again.
It comes back in time to find Kelly Clarkson on stage with some guy in a huge cowboy hat. Does he have eyes? I can't tell, the brim is pulled all the way down to his nose. Kelly is wearing a tight black dress. She looks and sounds fantastic. This is a nice song, and it has evidently gone Platinum already, but I missed the title.
Next up, Jacob, Paul, Stefano, and James murder some Simon and Garfunkel. They sound absolutely terrible on the Sound of Silence. The Feed cuts out for a moment, but it comes back in time to hear them segue into Mrs. Robinson, which sounds better.
I note that the camera is very purposely focusing on some heavier gals. And an older lady with saggy arms. Looks like someone is trying to prove that no one was denied a seat in front because she was too heavy...
From the Horrible Four, Ryan announces that James is safe and Stefano is in the bottom. That leaves Paul and Jacob... and... Paul, who already looks like he's going to fall apart, is heading to The Stools.
For no reason that I can discern, Ryan stands with Anita Baker and Chaka Kahn as he introduces Rhianna. I think to myself: if the feed is going to cut out again, now would be a good time, but we have no such luck.
Rhianna is wearing a velvet dress made from my Grandma's smocked couch pillows, and her hair is extremely red. She enters through a jungle of floaty white sheets hanging from the ceiling. An assortment of dancers dressed in jogging undies writhe in, and around, the sheets, treating us to a variety artistic crotch shots. I wait for the Cirque du Soleil stuff to start- at the minimum, I expect the dancers to be lifted off the stage and float up into the lights as they gracefully spin out of sight. But no, they just writhe, and play hide and seek, and flash a few more crotches, before the fabrics release and they cover themselves up and play dead. The song Rhianna is singing? I have no idea, I was too busy watching the dancers to listen.
Okay, now it's down to brass tacks. Ryan reminds us that only girls have gone home since the Top 13. He toys with Haley for a moment more, before sending her back to the rest. She doesn't sit next to Casey, but she flashes him a big grin (I hear they are an item). And poor Stefano has to deal with Survivor's Guilt once again, as Paul gets the dubious honor of being the first Guy sent home.
Paul looks weepy, but he sings Maggie May fairly well. I won't miss him, or his rose encrusted suits, but I wish him well.
2 comments:
You missed the BEST part.I pasted in a URL for a video clip of Haley and Casey singing Moanin'. Just great! I'd buy this, I really would. I know you don't think much of Haley but I hear something in her voice that I like and this song really brought out the best in both of them. (Maybe a litle less growling) http://www.emusicality.com/2011/04/casey-abrams-and-haley-reinhart-duet.html
Oh WOW! Thanks JackieLemon for the link! That was fantastic. I admit that I haven't liked Haley much, but she was great on this- it was perfect for her voice, and she and Casey blended very well.
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