Sorry about the delay- I watched the episode and then went straight to bed.
Ryan reminds us that Pia and her boobs went home, and everyone fell apart, even though there was no chance that Pia was going to win anyway.
Randy looks natty in a black v-neck cardigan over a white shirt and tie. His sleeves are pushed up and his cuffs are rolled. Steven looks like Great Aunt Mabel on Casino Night. JLO is wearing a gold sparkly shift with a large shower scrubbie crotch protector (I'm not kidding- there's a huge, foofy, net thing positioned right over her lady bits). Ryan announces that People Magazine has declared JLo to be the most beautiful woman in the world. I have no argument with that designation.
Tonight, we're singing songs from the movies.
#1. Paul is wearing the photo negative of his white, flower embroidered suit. This one is equally horrible: black with red roses. And sequins. He's singing Old Time Rock 'n Roll, and Iovine and Will.i.am are still encouraging Paul to turn into Blake Lewis, like that was some sort of successful business model. I'm just glad that he didn't slide in, wearing tighty whities. This is probably Paul's best performance so far, in that I didn't hate it.
#2. Lauren is singing Miley? From the Hannah Montana movie? Lauren might dress like a 35 year old barfly, but she just reminded me how young she really is. Iovine says that Lauren is a "much much better singer than Miley", which: duh. I'm a better singer than Miley. Lauren is wearing a black and silver strapless dress with a foofy black skirt, and cowboy boots. She starts a bit weakly, but warms into it. Lauren honey, you're wearing a strapless top with a deep plunge. You don't want to be bending over.
#3. Stefano is in a gray and black striped v-neck tee over a white polo with a popped collar. He's wearing another of his countless pairs of high top, clunky, tennis shoes. Those things look like they weigh a ton. He's singing End of the Road by Boyz II Men. This song is a good choice for him. Maybe my Nyquil haze is rendering me kind, but I sort of like this. I agree with Randy that this is Stefano's best performance. JLo gets bleeped in her excitement.
#4. Scotty says he's going to sing Everybody's Talkin' At Me, and I am excited that he's going to try to expand his comfort zone a bit. But my exictement was premature, because he switches to Cross My Heart by George Strait. I'm not up on CW hierarchy, but I'm pretty sure that a 16 year old tackling George Strait, is sort of like a 14 year old singing Whitney. But he does fine with the song. I have discovered that I really enjoy listening to Scotty, but I'd rather not watch him. At least until someone gets him to stand up straight.
#5. Casey's beard is slowly disappearing. He needs to keep the stylist away from his hair- it's parted and sculpted, like a Gerber Baby's. He says he is singing Nat King Cole's Nature Boy. Hmmm, that will be interesting. Dammit, Iovine and Will.i.am talk him into some Phil Collins dreck instead. But no, wait. Casey has changed back to Nature Boy, respectfully but firmly ignoring Iovine's suggestion. Iovine is a total snot about the switch. Casey has the standing bass, and there's a bongo player adding a bit of a Caribbean beat. This is too cool! Casey is an artist. He is not, and he never will be, a pop star. He's not going to win this little shindig, and nor should he. But I hope hope hope he finds a place among real musicians. He gets a Standing O from the audience and the judges. Eat it, Iovine.
#6. Haley is wearing a sparkly Mod dress and over-the-knee purple suede boots. She's singing Debbie Harry's Call Me, which is a good choice because Debbie Harry was not so much about the actual singing part of singing. I thought her first notes were rough, but she mostly warms into it (the talk-sing stuff was weak), but I actually liked the rest, which is a first for me. However, Haley didn't connect with the song at all- she grinned and stomped throughout.
#7. Nope, not going there.
#8. James wants to do Sammy Hagar's Heavy Metal. I'm proud of James for holding firm, but he has likely made an enemy of Iovine now. This is a James performance, done Jamesly- lots of guitar solos and loudness and screaming. It's fine, and exactly what James wanted it to be.
I'm surprised to discover that no one was awful tonight (again, maybe that's the Nyquil talking). I'm hoping that either Paul or He Who Will No Longer Be Named goes home, but it would not surprise me to see Casey in the bottom 3 either. The show is going to do anything it can to hold on to the remaining two girls for awhile (I'm not accusing them of cheating, but I am certain that they don't want Lauren up there all alone), and I am about as certain as I can be that a guy will back his bags tonight.