Wednesday, January 20, 2010

AI Season 9, 01-20-10 Orlando Auditions

This. is. Orlando.

Day 1: Randy and Simon are hung over. Kristen Chenoweth is a mini woman in a mini dress. Kara popped in from the 70's, looking like Karen Carpenter.

First up is Theo Clinton, who embodies every gay stereotype in the Stereotype Handbook. He's wearing glitter and mirrors and feathers... and that's just on his face. His voice is slightly better than I expect it to be, but it's still not good enough. He whines a bit, and then patiently allows Ryan to de-spangle him.

Seth Rollins has an autistic son. He's wearing a fatigue-style shirt with an embroidered patch that says "sexy something" in Gothic gold lettering (it doesn't literally say something, it says some word that I can't translate, in addition to sexy). He has a nice voice with just a tad too much waver for my taste. But any points he gained with his performance, he lost by bringing his son along to the audition, which obviously  upset and confused the child. Leave the kid home, Seth. It's better for both of you.

Simon and Jazz Hands.... hmmmm.....

I vaguely remember Jermaine Purefoy, or rather I remember his name, from a couple of seasons ago. He made it to Hollywood in Season 6, but not into the Top 24 (or 36 or however many they had that season). Jermaine's performance of Smile is an American Idol rarity: lovely, and understated, and restrained. The chance to see and hear something like this is the reason I watch this cheesefest. Wahoo, Jermaine.

18 year old Shelby Dressel doesn't let partial facial paralysis get in the way of her dreams. She sings Norah Jones's Turn Me On, which is an excellent choice for her limited range. Shelby's voice is interesting. Whether it'll take her further than Hollywood remains to be seen.

Speaking of eighteen, that's how many others got golden tickets on Day 1. On Day 2, it's just the Terrible Trio (La Chenoweth had a prior engagement).

We open with Jay Stone. I've mentioned before how much I hated Blake Lewis and his beat-boxing. I hate BL V.02 even more. Luckily, only Kara likes him, even when he sings Sunshine passably. So, he's out, right? Right? oh... dammit...

Janell Wheeler sings House of the Rising Sun, Brittany Star is adorable, and Kasi Bedford has a nice, raspy voice. All 3 move on.

Cornelius Edwards thinks Tina turner sang a ditty called Rollin' . You know that one- it goes: rollin', rollin', rollin' on the rivah... sigh. He sings it wretchedly, finishing with the splits, which look painful, and literally shred his jeans. I absolutely do not understand why the judges put him through, but we'll be seeing him (and his athletic prowess) again.

Sisters Bernadette and Amanda Desimone have taken the Kardashians to heart. They're over-boobed, over-tanned, over-dressed, and absolutely not good enough. Which is why both of them are going to Hollywood. I'm doing a lot of sighing tonight.

The best I can say about Jared Norrell's Amazing Grace is that it's nasal waaaaay up in it's nasal (aaawwww, I just realized that I miss Paula). Jared becomes slightly unglued at his rejection (and in his favor, a lot of untalented folks made it through tonight). He refuses to leave. Security ushers him out of the room, and into the hallway, where the escorting escalates. He ends up, first on the floor, and then, in handcuffs.

We finish with Good Ol' Boy Matt Lawrence, who robbed a bank at age 15, and consequently, spent four years behind bars. He's really really sorry about it now, and would like to make it up to his parents by being on American Idol. This reasoning does not bode well for a rational mind, and I expect the worst. Then he opens his mouth to sing Ray LaMontagne's Trouble, and I fall a little bit in love. This kid knows trouble, and we hear it in his voice. Sure, the Taylor comparisons will come (and given that the show barely aknowledges the original, I'm not sure this is the best route for Matt's redemption), but he's good. Very good. Really good.

Jermaine and Matt in one evening. Imagine that.

All told, 31 kids move on from Orlando. Next week, LA, and Katy Perry. Hoo boy.

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